And, now in the words our Savior taught us, we pray......
Who is present at every meeting....
Let us open by saying....
...Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy Name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as in Heaven. Give us today our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever. Amen.
Different words, same meanings in various places. The first part is what Jesus said in response to the plea: Teach us to pray. The second part was added later.
This is a Hebrew prayer. Jesus was a Jew. Jesus was not a Christian. This is not a Christian prayer. This is a devout prayer of an ancient Jewish man.
Assumptions that everyone who says this prayer is a Christian are usually wrong. It is not a prayer said in temples or synagogues, I would guess. Though some might see it as rather presumptuous, I suspect that David or Solomon, composers of many psalms, might be comfortable with it - they spoke with familiarity about the daily woes and the not-so-daily trials and blessings of ordinary people, using some quite graphic language to do so.
If you are in a meeting, a worship service, a group gathering, or a retreat where this prayer is said, don't bother looking around to see who is Christian by watching who is really saying this prayer. You'd be wrong.
Some may be translating it in their minds to fit the God or Goddess or Higher Power of their understanding. Some may be saying it just because it's expected. Some may be saying it to be part of the fellowship. Some may be just saying words they memorized long ago. (That's why the changes in wording of the prayer in the 1979 Episcopal Book of Common Prayer cause such mayhem in gatherings of many generations.)
It is a prayer for the things that we need to sustain daily life - safety, challenge, food (clothing and shelter), and forgiveness. Recognizing what is necessary for our daily life is a basic assumption of this prayer...our daily bread, forgiveness, freedom from temptation and lack of evil.
But, what do I really need for my daily life - what is my daily bread? Brother Dave Gardner said, "Man does not live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter." And, some people don't live by bread alone, they "need" escargot, truffles, steak oscar, and chocolate surprise. But, back to the question: What is my daily bread?
I do need challenge - temptation is great when I can resist it. Baking a dozen chocolate chip muffins and eating them all in two days is not resisting temptation. It's a pound and half on the scales and a horribly terrific sugar high...and a stomach that balks at everything I put in it now. But, they were soooooo good, and I enjoyed every bite...even the ones of hard muffin - I just thought "cookie". I don't regret (at least not much) that episode. But, I do wish the stomach would get back to normal.
And, temptation to sit on my bottom when the treadmill is now ready to go. But, I'd have to move some rolling storage bins to actually plug it in. And, they have stuff stacked on top of them that needs to be put somewhere. And, that somewhere has not made itself apparent to me yet. I have successfully resisted the temptation of exercise. Doing laundry doesn't count as exercise since I have had a washer/dryer for many years now. Neither does loading the dishwasher.
I suspect that exercise is one of the parts of my daily bread. Just like wholesome food in reasonable amounts - with an occasional splurge.
Forgiveness. The more people you see, the more you're liable to need and use that.
Evil. lurks everywhere. That's why a good review of the day before I go to bed is necessary to make tomorrow a better day. I can see behind me much better than I can see before me...don't even need glasses for the hindsight and they don't do much good for foresight...or even now-sight.
Our Father - Jesus said "Daddy". Doesn't fit for me, neither does Mother. But, God - ah, that's the word. Adonai. And, truly holy is the name - all nine million names of God. The goodness in that word, the purposefulness of creation encompass the "kingdom", the realm, the universe of God's dwelling place...and we ask that earth be included in that dwelling place.
When I say this prayer, I don't ask that all people become Christian; I just ask that they have the things they need for life, just as I have the things I need for life. A good argument against that is made in the book Illusions, but I'll take that up later. I don't ask what image or concept others have to fit "Father", I just say the word and translate it into my own soul's creator.
When we meet and say this prayer, I don't care what you believe. I do care that you show reverence for the holiness that I am calling to be present. I do care that you respect the intent of the prayer. And, I do care that you, whoever you are, are present in the fellowship that brings us together.
May God give you today your daily bread.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Judgmental
Judgmental - doesn't that word have such a negative connotation? And, I am sooo judgmental. Today I was sitting in the Chinese fast food place waiting for a take-out order, and I watched some people walking across the parking lot to the sub place next door. One woman had her mouth open and a vacant stare. She also had a strange hairdo and was grossly obese. I immediately thought that she wasn't very intelligent. I don't know her, never will, but I judged her intelligence on the way she looked.
So, I began thinking about other visible characteristics that connote both good and bad things to me. Frizzy hair on a white woman says "ditzy" to me. Think of Phyllis Diller, if you can remember that far back. Punk dressed kids make me think of drop-outs.
The stereotyping game is alive and well in my head. I deliberately lost my Southern accent (for a while) so that I would be more respected. And, I dyed my hair so that my seminary friends wouldn't think I was old and stupid...just stupid.
And, I saw a bumper sticker with the Confederate flag on it and "Heritage not Hate". Yeah, maybe that's what it means to you. Indeed, the Civil War was fought over states' rights - but mostly it was the right to enslave other people. When I was growing up in the segregated South, the issue with most people was "You can't tell me what to do." Rebellious rednecks that we were. And, I still feel that way to a large extent. "Don't tell me what to do" - that teenage growth spurt that I never resolved.
Some stereotyping is hyper-intuition. Growing up in a home with an alcoholic father, I learned quickly to read signs and looks and sounds in ways that would protect me. I can make some assumptions about the woman in the parking lot. Perhaps her mouth was open because she can't breathe well because she is overweight because she has diabetes or some other disease. And, wild hairdos are not automatically anything unless other signals go along with them.
Nonetheless, all the signs taken together, I'd still say that woman was probably not terribly intelligent. So, how does that affect me now. Well, I certainly wouldn't confront her about much of anything. And, I'd not look her directly in the face. I have some fear of large stupid people. Frankly, I have some fear of large people...even as feisty as I am.
Christians probably ought not to do this kind of stereotyping, but survival instincts create certain images that we avoid. I wouldn't walk at night in some neighborhoods. For that matter, I no longer drive at night in certain neighborhoods. As I get older, I avoid groups of young people - maybe that's because we often made fun of old people when I was young and stupid. Maybe not where they could actively hear us, but they got the message.
I'm not sure what Christians ought to do and ought not to do. Stereotyping can help us identify possible dangers, but we can miss so much and be so wrong. Looking at me in the mirror, I see a very judgmental person, one who uses stereotypes, one who trusts gut feelings and intuition more than "facts". And, I accept that. God forgive me when I'm wrong.
So, I began thinking about other visible characteristics that connote both good and bad things to me. Frizzy hair on a white woman says "ditzy" to me. Think of Phyllis Diller, if you can remember that far back. Punk dressed kids make me think of drop-outs.
The stereotyping game is alive and well in my head. I deliberately lost my Southern accent (for a while) so that I would be more respected. And, I dyed my hair so that my seminary friends wouldn't think I was old and stupid...just stupid.
And, I saw a bumper sticker with the Confederate flag on it and "Heritage not Hate". Yeah, maybe that's what it means to you. Indeed, the Civil War was fought over states' rights - but mostly it was the right to enslave other people. When I was growing up in the segregated South, the issue with most people was "You can't tell me what to do." Rebellious rednecks that we were. And, I still feel that way to a large extent. "Don't tell me what to do" - that teenage growth spurt that I never resolved.
Some stereotyping is hyper-intuition. Growing up in a home with an alcoholic father, I learned quickly to read signs and looks and sounds in ways that would protect me. I can make some assumptions about the woman in the parking lot. Perhaps her mouth was open because she can't breathe well because she is overweight because she has diabetes or some other disease. And, wild hairdos are not automatically anything unless other signals go along with them.
Nonetheless, all the signs taken together, I'd still say that woman was probably not terribly intelligent. So, how does that affect me now. Well, I certainly wouldn't confront her about much of anything. And, I'd not look her directly in the face. I have some fear of large stupid people. Frankly, I have some fear of large people...even as feisty as I am.
Christians probably ought not to do this kind of stereotyping, but survival instincts create certain images that we avoid. I wouldn't walk at night in some neighborhoods. For that matter, I no longer drive at night in certain neighborhoods. As I get older, I avoid groups of young people - maybe that's because we often made fun of old people when I was young and stupid. Maybe not where they could actively hear us, but they got the message.
I'm not sure what Christians ought to do and ought not to do. Stereotyping can help us identify possible dangers, but we can miss so much and be so wrong. Looking at me in the mirror, I see a very judgmental person, one who uses stereotypes, one who trusts gut feelings and intuition more than "facts". And, I accept that. God forgive me when I'm wrong.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Musing about the farm and its critters
This afternoon as I looked at the webcam of Zhen Zhen, the panda cub in San Diego, and pictures of Flocke, the polar bear cub in Germany, I was reminded of the dreams I had before arriving in New Bern. I dreamed that black bears were all over my yard and came into my house and just wandered around - not bothering anything. I was concerned in the dream but not very frightened. I tried to lock them out, but they just kept appearing. They didn't do anything except appear. The logo for New Bern (which means New Bear) is a black bear like Bern, Switzerland.
Then my cat made a plaintive cry and I remembered sitting on the bank of Coldwater River in Mississippi and watching several bobcat kits playing near a large pile of driftwood where their den was located. Mama Bobcat knew I was there, but I was very still and she didn't bother me. My smell was all over that area since I frequently spent large amounts of time there. Some of that time was on a bluff overlooking the river where I watched for the old gar to turn up - and I saw it a few times - huge and silvery on its belly. I often wondered that it didn't rob my Dad's trot lines.
We had pet cats, some outdoor, one indoor/outdoor, and a large pack of wild stray cats - some very large - began roaming our area. We tried to scare them off in various ways and make them leave the area. Some of our neighbors killed a couple of them as they attacked various farm animals. One of our outdoor cats disappeared. And, another showed signs of a great fight. Then, the cat food on the back porch began disappearing. We were poor and cat food was a luxury item. I worried about our cats. Night after night the dogs growled and the cats fought and the cat food disappeared. It was summertime and the windows were open. So was the back door with the screen closed to keep out the bugs. As we sat eating supper, I saw one of the wild cats come onto the porch and I shooed it off. This happened two more nights. The fourth night, I set my .22 rifle beside my chair at supper. When the wild cat appeared on the porch, I slowly lifted the rifle, aimed and fired through the screen. The cat flew off the porch and Mom would not let me go outside to see. The next morning, the cat was a few feet from the porch, dead.
I have never felt good about killing that cat, but I do understand why soldiers fight - to protect those they love. It's no cliche. And, no options existed in rural Mississippi for a pack of wild animals except death. The farmers and stockmen couldn't risk the threat to their livelihoods. And, youngsters like me didn't want to keep losing their pets. Cruel, yes, but I would do it again - and perhaps less cruel than a gas chamber in a shelter.
We were required to care for our animals, and, when the time came that their lives were over, we were expected to take care of that, too. Quickly, even with tears.
On the brighter side of farm life/country life, I've had the pleasure of petting raccoons, being almost bitten by an opossum, watching deer graze in our yard, seeing the bobcats at their den, being amazed at the size of that old gar in the river, digging for river mussels and finding ones with beautiful irridescent shells.
I've stripped bark from birch trees and written messages on it with sharp sticks. I've eaten fried catfish and hush puppies cooked in a dutch oven over a charcoal bucket at the river. I've walked from the river through the woods to our house at night, alone. I picked dewberries for the most delicious pie I've ever eaten. I've seen foxes slinking along the top of the levee. I've found rabbits under the shed out back, and I've dug in the corn crib for baby mice.
My brother, the hunter (ha, ha) killed a cardinal once. Mom told him that we only killed to provide food and to protect ourselves. So he cooked it over a fire in the back yard. Brave me tried to eat some of it - ugh. We were both sick.
I've been up close and personal with most kinds of snakes and never bitten. I've gathered moss and mushrooms and soft lichen and colorful leaves to take home as centerpieces for the table. I've leaned against a Jersey milk cow named Betsy and told her my troubles (just like Mom did every morning), I've fallen off a horse, I've stolen watermelons. I found my grandfather's and, subsequently, my uncle's still - fascinating mechanism. I lost a shoe in gumbo mud down in the new ground where I shouldn't have been. I've been chased by a bull and I've ridden a big sow whose name was Whitey. She didn't like me much after her babies were born.
I've shelled corn with a hand-turned corn sheller, which is probably in the garage. I've picked up pecans until I thought I was a permanent u-turn. And, I've snapped and shelled and canned every kind of bean and pea that will grow in Mississippi. I've eaten tiny ears of corn right off the stalk.
Ah, some very good memories. And, for these memories I am truly grateful. Amen.
Then my cat made a plaintive cry and I remembered sitting on the bank of Coldwater River in Mississippi and watching several bobcat kits playing near a large pile of driftwood where their den was located. Mama Bobcat knew I was there, but I was very still and she didn't bother me. My smell was all over that area since I frequently spent large amounts of time there. Some of that time was on a bluff overlooking the river where I watched for the old gar to turn up - and I saw it a few times - huge and silvery on its belly. I often wondered that it didn't rob my Dad's trot lines.
We had pet cats, some outdoor, one indoor/outdoor, and a large pack of wild stray cats - some very large - began roaming our area. We tried to scare them off in various ways and make them leave the area. Some of our neighbors killed a couple of them as they attacked various farm animals. One of our outdoor cats disappeared. And, another showed signs of a great fight. Then, the cat food on the back porch began disappearing. We were poor and cat food was a luxury item. I worried about our cats. Night after night the dogs growled and the cats fought and the cat food disappeared. It was summertime and the windows were open. So was the back door with the screen closed to keep out the bugs. As we sat eating supper, I saw one of the wild cats come onto the porch and I shooed it off. This happened two more nights. The fourth night, I set my .22 rifle beside my chair at supper. When the wild cat appeared on the porch, I slowly lifted the rifle, aimed and fired through the screen. The cat flew off the porch and Mom would not let me go outside to see. The next morning, the cat was a few feet from the porch, dead.
I have never felt good about killing that cat, but I do understand why soldiers fight - to protect those they love. It's no cliche. And, no options existed in rural Mississippi for a pack of wild animals except death. The farmers and stockmen couldn't risk the threat to their livelihoods. And, youngsters like me didn't want to keep losing their pets. Cruel, yes, but I would do it again - and perhaps less cruel than a gas chamber in a shelter.
We were required to care for our animals, and, when the time came that their lives were over, we were expected to take care of that, too. Quickly, even with tears.
On the brighter side of farm life/country life, I've had the pleasure of petting raccoons, being almost bitten by an opossum, watching deer graze in our yard, seeing the bobcats at their den, being amazed at the size of that old gar in the river, digging for river mussels and finding ones with beautiful irridescent shells.
I've stripped bark from birch trees and written messages on it with sharp sticks. I've eaten fried catfish and hush puppies cooked in a dutch oven over a charcoal bucket at the river. I've walked from the river through the woods to our house at night, alone. I picked dewberries for the most delicious pie I've ever eaten. I've seen foxes slinking along the top of the levee. I've found rabbits under the shed out back, and I've dug in the corn crib for baby mice.
My brother, the hunter (ha, ha) killed a cardinal once. Mom told him that we only killed to provide food and to protect ourselves. So he cooked it over a fire in the back yard. Brave me tried to eat some of it - ugh. We were both sick.
I've been up close and personal with most kinds of snakes and never bitten. I've gathered moss and mushrooms and soft lichen and colorful leaves to take home as centerpieces for the table. I've leaned against a Jersey milk cow named Betsy and told her my troubles (just like Mom did every morning), I've fallen off a horse, I've stolen watermelons. I found my grandfather's and, subsequently, my uncle's still - fascinating mechanism. I lost a shoe in gumbo mud down in the new ground where I shouldn't have been. I've been chased by a bull and I've ridden a big sow whose name was Whitey. She didn't like me much after her babies were born.
I've shelled corn with a hand-turned corn sheller, which is probably in the garage. I've picked up pecans until I thought I was a permanent u-turn. And, I've snapped and shelled and canned every kind of bean and pea that will grow in Mississippi. I've eaten tiny ears of corn right off the stalk.
Ah, some very good memories. And, for these memories I am truly grateful. Amen.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Oh, Dear!
You're no fashion victim because you Stay Super Stylish.
Bright tunics, soft sweater dresses, and tweed vests? Yes, please! From your driveway to the dance floor, you know that the world is one big catwalk. Whether you're dressed uptown or downtown, a style-setter like you knows that being up-to-date on all the latest and greatest looks is always a surefire way to make a big impression. Where you got your amazing style is a mystery, but the natural fabrics and clothes you choose are anything but.
What really sets you apart from the pack is knowing that looking great doesn't have to mean following every ridiculous fad to hit the streets. A savvy fashionista such as yourself can tell the difference between flash-in-the-pan trends and the real thing, which is why you'll never be caught in unflattering cuts, yesterday's looks, or mystery fabrics. Knock 'em dead!
Somehow this doesn't fit with my jeans and flannel shirts and hats.
Bright tunics, soft sweater dresses, and tweed vests? Yes, please! From your driveway to the dance floor, you know that the world is one big catwalk. Whether you're dressed uptown or downtown, a style-setter like you knows that being up-to-date on all the latest and greatest looks is always a surefire way to make a big impression. Where you got your amazing style is a mystery, but the natural fabrics and clothes you choose are anything but.
What really sets you apart from the pack is knowing that looking great doesn't have to mean following every ridiculous fad to hit the streets. A savvy fashionista such as yourself can tell the difference between flash-in-the-pan trends and the real thing, which is why you'll never be caught in unflattering cuts, yesterday's looks, or mystery fabrics. Knock 'em dead!
Somehow this doesn't fit with my jeans and flannel shirts and hats.
This was easy!
Your Language Arts Grade: 100%
Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).
Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz
Monday, February 18, 2008
Temptation
Joanna over at the Geranium Farm wrote today about all the temptations that we face and rephrases the Lord's Prayer to emphasize that God lead us away from temptation - an interesting thought.
One of my favorite bits about temptation is a phrase from "Somebody's Knockin'" by Terri Gibbs -
Somebody's knockin' should I let him in,
Lord it's the devil would you look at him
I've heard about him but I never dreamed,
he'd have blue eyes and blue jeans. Thanks to Levi's for the picture!
Evil and Satan are undercover agents - literally and figuratively. I always wondered if the reality of what was under those blue jeans was as real as promised. Now, I recognize that temptation comes in all sorts of disguises, and they are seldom evil at first appearance.
eBay is a wonderful example for me. I began looking on eBay for an out-of-date coffee mug for my partner. Then, I realized that others things were available at the touch of an icon. I need only input my credit card number to PayPal and go shopping. Now, we all know that shopping is one of my weaknesses - my retail therapy, my way of stopping the pain. And, the thrill of getting down to the wire in a bidding "war" to the last few seconds - ah, me. The innocuous eBay was my own temptation. After dozens of packages arrived, I realized what I was doing. I have not turned my back on temptation, but I can look it in the eye and said, "NO." Most of the time.
Laughing. So temptation comes in all guises. Food is another of my weaknesses. Today, I was out after therapy. Spent $26 and almost two hours in the bookstore. Then on the way home, I decided I'd like to have a Coke from the Mexican store near the interstate. So, I purred over there and bought two Mexican Cokes - made with real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup - sooooo good. But, one of my favorite eateries is in the same area; so I sauntered down there - past the soon-to-be-open bakery where I used to buy cupcakes - and bought two cranberry muffins (probably just as many calories as the cupcakes). To make a long story short, I ate one of the muffins after I got home and automatically reached for the other one. God led me away from temptation right then. I put it down, folded the top of the bag and put it out of sight. For right now, I have had a reasonable amount. If I had eaten both muffins now, I would have been stuffed. If I eat it tonight or tomorrow morning, I will have done better.
Temptation. At therapy we talked about a problem I have contacting an old friend, who is dying of cancer. How do I tell her that just talking with her brings back memories that are more painful than I care to handle? I've been through therapy about these and I've forgiven and been forgiven, but the pain is still very real. It doesn't go away just because I understand it. I've left the situation with God and the pain still shows up with the memories. I know how I felt then. My therapist asked if I really needed to say that to her. The knowledge that her very presence in my life brings pain will not make her feel better, and I won't feel any better knowing that I have hurt her; so why say it to her? Let it be. Time will ease the situation and I will know what to do. But, I have been tempted to say, Just go away, Don't make me think of this stuff any more, Quit calling, I have nothing to say. So, if I have nothing to say, then I shouldn't say it. Temptation. Try to ease my own pain at someone else's expense. Giving in to temptation seldom works anyway - you're just miserable afterward.
How does your temptation appear? Blue eyes and blue jeans, speaking when being silent would be better, two muffins? eBay? Credit cards?
Lead me away from temptation - or at least help me to recognize it, Lord.
One of my favorite bits about temptation is a phrase from "Somebody's Knockin'" by Terri Gibbs - Somebody's knockin' should I let him in,
Lord it's the devil would you look at him
I've heard about him but I never dreamed,
he'd have blue eyes and blue jeans. Thanks to Levi's for the picture!
Evil and Satan are undercover agents - literally and figuratively. I always wondered if the reality of what was under those blue jeans was as real as promised. Now, I recognize that temptation comes in all sorts of disguises, and they are seldom evil at first appearance.
eBay is a wonderful example for me. I began looking on eBay for an out-of-date coffee mug for my partner. Then, I realized that others things were available at the touch of an icon. I need only input my credit card number to PayPal and go shopping. Now, we all know that shopping is one of my weaknesses - my retail therapy, my way of stopping the pain. And, the thrill of getting down to the wire in a bidding "war" to the last few seconds - ah, me. The innocuous eBay was my own temptation. After dozens of packages arrived, I realized what I was doing. I have not turned my back on temptation, but I can look it in the eye and said, "NO." Most of the time.
Laughing. So temptation comes in all guises. Food is another of my weaknesses. Today, I was out after therapy. Spent $26 and almost two hours in the bookstore. Then on the way home, I decided I'd like to have a Coke from the Mexican store near the interstate. So, I purred over there and bought two Mexican Cokes - made with real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup - sooooo good. But, one of my favorite eateries is in the same area; so I sauntered down there - past the soon-to-be-open bakery where I used to buy cupcakes - and bought two cranberry muffins (probably just as many calories as the cupcakes). To make a long story short, I ate one of the muffins after I got home and automatically reached for the other one. God led me away from temptation right then. I put it down, folded the top of the bag and put it out of sight. For right now, I have had a reasonable amount. If I had eaten both muffins now, I would have been stuffed. If I eat it tonight or tomorrow morning, I will have done better.
Temptation. At therapy we talked about a problem I have contacting an old friend, who is dying of cancer. How do I tell her that just talking with her brings back memories that are more painful than I care to handle? I've been through therapy about these and I've forgiven and been forgiven, but the pain is still very real. It doesn't go away just because I understand it. I've left the situation with God and the pain still shows up with the memories. I know how I felt then. My therapist asked if I really needed to say that to her. The knowledge that her very presence in my life brings pain will not make her feel better, and I won't feel any better knowing that I have hurt her; so why say it to her? Let it be. Time will ease the situation and I will know what to do. But, I have been tempted to say, Just go away, Don't make me think of this stuff any more, Quit calling, I have nothing to say. So, if I have nothing to say, then I shouldn't say it. Temptation. Try to ease my own pain at someone else's expense. Giving in to temptation seldom works anyway - you're just miserable afterward.
How does your temptation appear? Blue eyes and blue jeans, speaking when being silent would be better, two muffins? eBay? Credit cards?
Lead me away from temptation - or at least help me to recognize it, Lord.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Bodies, thoughts, habits, and spirituality
Hmmmm. How to begin. I'm going to write this the way I'm thinking and then decide where my thinking has gone astray. After all, when I'm alone in my head, I'm alone with a crazy person!
I was supposed to go to a River Watch training session this morning at 9 am about an hours' drive from here. Sounded like a great idea when I signed up. Some mornings are good for me; some are not. Today was not. I had vertigo and stuffiness, some congestion. But, even last night as I sat cozily knitting in my favorite red chair, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to move. All I wanted was to sit quietly and knit my life away.
I went to bed at a reasonable hour, arose at 7 am, and literally stagged to the bathroom, holding onto my chest of drawers and the wall to get there - my head was decidedly not on straight. I perseved, telling myself that this would go away. I've had it for several mornings now, and it's gone away on its own. I drank lots of water, took my medicine, ate my breakfast and sat down at the computer. Then, I leaned over to pick up a tissue that had fallen on the floor. Wrong. Almost ended head first on the floor. Gently rose up. Called my partner and told her I couldn't go.
Guilt. This is something that we want to do together. She took the training last weekend while I went yarn shopping, rising at an early hour to drive an hour and half away. She spent that morning in a three hour training session. I was playing.
Okay, I've had a decongestant and an additional antihistamine, a nap and lunch. I feel okay but still a bit ditzy and a whole lot guilty. Why couldn't I do something for us that required getting up early, driving somewhere and spending time learning something I really want to know. I could get up early, drive somewhere and spend time shopping with other friends. So, why couldn't I do that for us this morning?
End of story.
First of all, using "supposed to" instead of "scheduled to" indicates a command or obligation - and signing up for the workshop was certainly an obligation. But, my mindset was that I should, ought to or some such idea - the presumption that I would be wrong if I didn't do this. My presumption. Taken to it illogical end, the thought of "supposed to" makes me unloveable if I don't do it. My mind knows that's not true. Not sure my guilt complex has gotten this idea yet, though.
Now, the "should have" part comes in several days ago when I really (for my own health's sake) should have taken care of the dizzy, congested feeling. I actually bought the decongestant a few days ago, but I didn't take it. After all, the dizziness went away - mostly. And, the congestion is something that I've lived with a long time and can ignore very well.
However, I did the right thing this morning. I did not drive when I was dizzy. I took the appropriate medicine and went back to bed. Feeling guilty for letting down the people who offered the workshop and my partner who is looking forward to our doing this together (and I am, too) is another story. Guilt is hard to give up.
Guilt is like resentments - they hurt me not anyone else.
So much for the thoughts. What does all this have to do with spirituality? Well, God doesn't make junk and didn't make me for junky thinking or acting. And, I've done a lot of both in my life. So much that it's hard to decide what is appropriate and what is junky. Right now, I'm feeling junky. Is the guilt appropriate? Did I do the right thing? What do I think/believe about myself right now? Failure - not just that I failed to show up this morning, but I am a failure. I never do anything right.
BS. Junky thinking. My body had warned me that it had problems. Junky acting that I did not take care of the problem when I got the signals. But, that's a bad habit of mine. I ignore signals that are important. I'm messy that way. Maybe I put most things back where they belong, but I choose to not see the signals until the body/ mind/ spirit is full of them.
And, the problem grows from a simple physical or mental one into a mess. A big mess. My spirit is somewhere besides with me or else I just can't feel/see/hear it. My God is off fishing apparently 'cause she's certainly not here either. Maybe they are taking a trip together.
Nothing is getting done today except that I did take my medicine, finally. Stress headache, lethargy, guilt, - what a mess.
So, I think that spirituality, honoring the spirit within me and the Spirit of God, is deeply connected to my body, my thoughts and my habits. Especially in this particular situation.
My solution to this is writing and doing. So, I'm now going to get up (carefully) and begin doing laundry.
I was supposed to go to a River Watch training session this morning at 9 am about an hours' drive from here. Sounded like a great idea when I signed up. Some mornings are good for me; some are not. Today was not. I had vertigo and stuffiness, some congestion. But, even last night as I sat cozily knitting in my favorite red chair, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to move. All I wanted was to sit quietly and knit my life away.
I went to bed at a reasonable hour, arose at 7 am, and literally stagged to the bathroom, holding onto my chest of drawers and the wall to get there - my head was decidedly not on straight. I perseved, telling myself that this would go away. I've had it for several mornings now, and it's gone away on its own. I drank lots of water, took my medicine, ate my breakfast and sat down at the computer. Then, I leaned over to pick up a tissue that had fallen on the floor. Wrong. Almost ended head first on the floor. Gently rose up. Called my partner and told her I couldn't go.
Guilt. This is something that we want to do together. She took the training last weekend while I went yarn shopping, rising at an early hour to drive an hour and half away. She spent that morning in a three hour training session. I was playing.
Okay, I've had a decongestant and an additional antihistamine, a nap and lunch. I feel okay but still a bit ditzy and a whole lot guilty. Why couldn't I do something for us that required getting up early, driving somewhere and spending time learning something I really want to know. I could get up early, drive somewhere and spend time shopping with other friends. So, why couldn't I do that for us this morning?
End of story.
First of all, using "supposed to" instead of "scheduled to" indicates a command or obligation - and signing up for the workshop was certainly an obligation. But, my mindset was that I should, ought to or some such idea - the presumption that I would be wrong if I didn't do this. My presumption. Taken to it illogical end, the thought of "supposed to" makes me unloveable if I don't do it. My mind knows that's not true. Not sure my guilt complex has gotten this idea yet, though.
Now, the "should have" part comes in several days ago when I really (for my own health's sake) should have taken care of the dizzy, congested feeling. I actually bought the decongestant a few days ago, but I didn't take it. After all, the dizziness went away - mostly. And, the congestion is something that I've lived with a long time and can ignore very well.
However, I did the right thing this morning. I did not drive when I was dizzy. I took the appropriate medicine and went back to bed. Feeling guilty for letting down the people who offered the workshop and my partner who is looking forward to our doing this together (and I am, too) is another story. Guilt is hard to give up.
Guilt is like resentments - they hurt me not anyone else.
So much for the thoughts. What does all this have to do with spirituality? Well, God doesn't make junk and didn't make me for junky thinking or acting. And, I've done a lot of both in my life. So much that it's hard to decide what is appropriate and what is junky. Right now, I'm feeling junky. Is the guilt appropriate? Did I do the right thing? What do I think/believe about myself right now? Failure - not just that I failed to show up this morning, but I am a failure. I never do anything right.
BS. Junky thinking. My body had warned me that it had problems. Junky acting that I did not take care of the problem when I got the signals. But, that's a bad habit of mine. I ignore signals that are important. I'm messy that way. Maybe I put most things back where they belong, but I choose to not see the signals until the body/ mind/ spirit is full of them.
And, the problem grows from a simple physical or mental one into a mess. A big mess. My spirit is somewhere besides with me or else I just can't feel/see/hear it. My God is off fishing apparently 'cause she's certainly not here either. Maybe they are taking a trip together.
Nothing is getting done today except that I did take my medicine, finally. Stress headache, lethargy, guilt, - what a mess.
So, I think that spirituality, honoring the spirit within me and the Spirit of God, is deeply connected to my body, my thoughts and my habits. Especially in this particular situation.
My solution to this is writing and doing. So, I'm now going to get up (carefully) and begin doing laundry.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Lent - What are you doing for Lent?
Seriously, folks, I'm interested in what your Lenten "discipline" is. Leave me a comment, please
Thursday, February 07, 2008
My questions and thoughts about Lent
Lent. Lent. 40 Days not counting Sundays. The usual question from friends is "What are you giving up for Lent? The typical answers are chocolate, sweets, cigarettes, cussing, coffee (not too often). I once gave up Coca-Cola for Lent. Once.
Now we are three days into Lent and I have no Lenten discipline. We discussed this at dinner last night. One acquaintance is giving up some bad habits. That's a good start, but I'd just pick them up again after Easter the same way I did the Coca-Cola.
Traditionally Lent represents the 40 days that Jesus spent in the wilderness (desert). More than two months of his 3 year ministry was spent in the desert, perhaps the same desert where Moses and the Israelites wandered. I wonder if he went in circles like they did. Anyway. In the early church, those who were to be baptized at Easter had their own fasting and discipline to follow during Lent.
The apostles had their own Lent, each one different. Peter didn't know he could preach until after Easter. Mark was mostly a scribe until he wrote down the words and works of Jesus, the Christ. Matthew, the bookkeeper, was mostly good at keeping accounts before he gave us accounts of events and miracles. And, what happens to John, the Beloved? Exiled on Patmos, someone named John writes the most beautiful theology ever. Their Lenten disciplines varied...and some lasted a lifetime after Jerusalem.
Now, we think of Lent as a time of purging, fasting, giving up things. Others say that we should take on good habits or good works or special prayer disciplines during Lent.
I'm not good at giving things up. I'm not terribly good at taking on a discipline, like reading the Daily Office or even getting on the treadmill. And, if I'm going to give up a bad habit, maybe Lent is the motivation to do it, but can I keep it up?
So, here I sit. Pondering what I should do for Lent. This desert is hot and cold. The desert is dry with only a few oases. The desert is lonely at times and comfortingly quiet at others. I'm used to the desert, but.......
I guess I'm a strange one, but the resurrection doesn't mean a lot to me, and I don't believe in sacrificial atonement. I believe that the Incarnation was sufficient. Perhaps we needed the passion and the resurrection to keep the faith alive all these needs, but I just don't think it was necessary for salvation. Heretic that I am.
So, back to Lent. Purple - the royal color. We consider it as a time of mourning instead of a time of seeking in the desert. Yes, Jesus rejected things, power, godness, but isn't the desert for seeking?
I'm still in the desert - and likely to remain there. I know Jesus is with me, and I fear no evil (except maybe the presidential elections and global warming and violence everywhere). I think I'll keep on seeking. God called me long ago. I've answered that call in different ways at different times. Now I'm just puttering along from one oasis to another, seeking the companionship of those on the journey, assuring them of God's presence, accepting their company as right and good. I like journeying.
Tell me what you're doing for Lent. Thanks.
May the peace of God, which may not be exactly what you expect, be with you always.
Now we are three days into Lent and I have no Lenten discipline. We discussed this at dinner last night. One acquaintance is giving up some bad habits. That's a good start, but I'd just pick them up again after Easter the same way I did the Coca-Cola.
Traditionally Lent represents the 40 days that Jesus spent in the wilderness (desert). More than two months of his 3 year ministry was spent in the desert, perhaps the same desert where Moses and the Israelites wandered. I wonder if he went in circles like they did. Anyway. In the early church, those who were to be baptized at Easter had their own fasting and discipline to follow during Lent.
The apostles had their own Lent, each one different. Peter didn't know he could preach until after Easter. Mark was mostly a scribe until he wrote down the words and works of Jesus, the Christ. Matthew, the bookkeeper, was mostly good at keeping accounts before he gave us accounts of events and miracles. And, what happens to John, the Beloved? Exiled on Patmos, someone named John writes the most beautiful theology ever. Their Lenten disciplines varied...and some lasted a lifetime after Jerusalem.
Now, we think of Lent as a time of purging, fasting, giving up things. Others say that we should take on good habits or good works or special prayer disciplines during Lent.
I'm not good at giving things up. I'm not terribly good at taking on a discipline, like reading the Daily Office or even getting on the treadmill. And, if I'm going to give up a bad habit, maybe Lent is the motivation to do it, but can I keep it up?
So, here I sit. Pondering what I should do for Lent. This desert is hot and cold. The desert is dry with only a few oases. The desert is lonely at times and comfortingly quiet at others. I'm used to the desert, but.......
I guess I'm a strange one, but the resurrection doesn't mean a lot to me, and I don't believe in sacrificial atonement. I believe that the Incarnation was sufficient. Perhaps we needed the passion and the resurrection to keep the faith alive all these needs, but I just don't think it was necessary for salvation. Heretic that I am.
So, back to Lent. Purple - the royal color. We consider it as a time of mourning instead of a time of seeking in the desert. Yes, Jesus rejected things, power, godness, but isn't the desert for seeking?
I'm still in the desert - and likely to remain there. I know Jesus is with me, and I fear no evil (except maybe the presidential elections and global warming and violence everywhere). I think I'll keep on seeking. God called me long ago. I've answered that call in different ways at different times. Now I'm just puttering along from one oasis to another, seeking the companionship of those on the journey, assuring them of God's presence, accepting their company as right and good. I like journeying.Tell me what you're doing for Lent. Thanks.
May the peace of God, which may not be exactly what you expect, be with you always.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Who am I? meme
1. What time is it?
2:40 pm
2. Of what are you most afraid?
Being useless
3. What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a Theater?
Been too long ago to remember
4. Place of birth
Clarksdale, Mississippi
5. Favorite Foods
Fried Pork Chop, Butter beans or pintos, slaw, cornbread
6. What's your natural hair color?
Born blonde (accounts for my ditziness), naturally turned dark, now mostly white
7. Ever been to Alaska?
Yes, and would go every year if I could
8. Ever been toilet paper rolling?
Yes
9. Love someone so much it made you cry?
Yes
10. Been in a car accident?
Yes
11. Croutons or bacon bits
On what? Croutons on some pasta dishes to give them crunch, bacon bits on almost anything salty
12. Favorite day of the week?
Tuesdays when I work at the yarn shop
13. Favorite restaurant
Locally – Captain Ratty’s, Other – The River’s End near Savannah, GA
14. Favorite Flower?
Nasturtium
15. Favorite sport to watch?
On TV, I will watch tennis, a bit of football, a bit less basketball, most Olympics.
16. Favorite drink?
Coca-Cola made with real sugar, get them from Mexico
17. Favorite ice cream?
Vanilla
18. Disney or Warner Brothers?
Huh?
19. Ever been on a ship
Yes, love it!
20. What color is your bedroom carpet?
Current rug is blue.
21. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
None, got my license at age 15, but I'd been driving for at least three years
22. What do you do when you are bored?
Knit or play on computer
23. Bedtime?
10-11 pm
24. Favorite TV show
Don’t watch TV, unless I’m really bored and it’s already on. Oh, but I will watch the Olympics.
25. Favorite time of year?
Winter
26. What are your favorite colors?
Red and blue
27. How many tattoos do you have?
None
28. How many pets do you have?
Pets or pests? Two
29. Dogs or cats or other?
cats
30. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
chicken
31. What do you want to do before you die?
Have lots more fun, get to know more people, and learn to set healthy boundaries
32. Have you ever been to Hawaii ?
No, and no desire to go.
33. Have you been to countries outside the U.S.?
Yes
34. Which ones?
Bermuda, Canada, Mexico, Belize, Honduras, Guatemala
2:40 pm
2. Of what are you most afraid?
Being useless
3. What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a Theater?
Been too long ago to remember
4. Place of birth
Clarksdale, Mississippi
5. Favorite Foods
Fried Pork Chop, Butter beans or pintos, slaw, cornbread
6. What's your natural hair color?
Born blonde (accounts for my ditziness), naturally turned dark, now mostly white
7. Ever been to Alaska?
Yes, and would go every year if I could
8. Ever been toilet paper rolling?
Yes
9. Love someone so much it made you cry?
Yes
10. Been in a car accident?
Yes
11. Croutons or bacon bits
On what? Croutons on some pasta dishes to give them crunch, bacon bits on almost anything salty
12. Favorite day of the week?
Tuesdays when I work at the yarn shop
13. Favorite restaurant
Locally – Captain Ratty’s, Other – The River’s End near Savannah, GA
14. Favorite Flower?
Nasturtium
15. Favorite sport to watch?
On TV, I will watch tennis, a bit of football, a bit less basketball, most Olympics.
16. Favorite drink?
Coca-Cola made with real sugar, get them from Mexico
17. Favorite ice cream?
Vanilla
18. Disney or Warner Brothers?
Huh?
19. Ever been on a ship
Yes, love it!
20. What color is your bedroom carpet?
Current rug is blue.
21. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
None, got my license at age 15, but I'd been driving for at least three years
22. What do you do when you are bored?
Knit or play on computer
23. Bedtime?
10-11 pm
24. Favorite TV show
Don’t watch TV, unless I’m really bored and it’s already on. Oh, but I will watch the Olympics.
25. Favorite time of year?
Winter
26. What are your favorite colors?
Red and blue
27. How many tattoos do you have?
None
28. How many pets do you have?
Pets or pests? Two
29. Dogs or cats or other?
cats
30. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
chicken
31. What do you want to do before you die?
Have lots more fun, get to know more people, and learn to set healthy boundaries
32. Have you ever been to Hawaii ?
No, and no desire to go.
33. Have you been to countries outside the U.S.?
Yes
34. Which ones?
Bermuda, Canada, Mexico, Belize, Honduras, Guatemala
Another me
I changed a couple of answers where I was ambivalent, and look what happened!
You are The Sun
Happiness, Content, Joy.
The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.
Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.
The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
I credit Eileen the Episcopalifem
Eileen is the Moon however
You are The Wheel of Fortune
Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success
The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Monday, February 04, 2008
superbowl commercials
I don't watch much sports, but I did enjoy listening to the superbowl yesterday. And, I've picked my two favorite commercials
and
and
Sunday, February 03, 2008
What's mine is mine! What's yours may be mine, too.
Check out this short paragraph that Lindy picked up from someone else. It hits home with me. I just bought a bright red luggage tag for my knitting bag. It has only one word mine! Aaarrrggghhh.
And today a friend told me about Koinonia Farm in South Georgia - amazing story - check it out on their website. They helped found Habitat for Humanity...and are still doing wonderful things.
And today a friend told me about Koinonia Farm in South Georgia - amazing story - check it out on their website. They helped found Habitat for Humanity...and are still doing wonderful things.
Changes on the blog
I've found labels to be so handy when viewing other blogs that I've decided to add them to mine. And, I will go back and add them to previous posts as I have time.
Also, I've added links to places where you can click to give help breast cancer, literacy, hunger, and animal rescue without it costing you anything more than clicking on icon on that site. These are all linked on one website; so you can click on any icon and get to the website that has them all.
My goal with the blog is to have a mix of knitting, theology, memes, and personal stuff like depression, remodeling, etc. (not sure those two were very different, LOL).
Also, I've added links to places where you can click to give help breast cancer, literacy, hunger, and animal rescue without it costing you anything more than clicking on icon on that site. These are all linked on one website; so you can click on any icon and get to the website that has them all.
My goal with the blog is to have a mix of knitting, theology, memes, and personal stuff like depression, remodeling, etc. (not sure those two were very different, LOL).
Saturday, February 02, 2008
knitting stuff
Went to a new shop today and found some interesting display ideas and lots more open space than we have at the shop where I work - but lots less yarn...and everything, almost, was on sale. Here's a picture of the stuff I bought today as well as some stuff that's hanging around my workroom.
And, here's the finished red cable scarf before it is blocked.
And here's D's soft lavender scarf which is still packed in the box to be shipped - same place it's been all week. And, listen, kiddo, if you don't like it, you can't send it back - give it to someone else, okay. I have way too much stuff in this office.So, yes to all to who have asked. I'm feeling much better, getting over a several day headache, running a humidifier and air cleaner and doing hot compresses and cold packs and pain killers, and..... well, you get the idea. But, basically, I'm good. Looking forward to a pretty day tomorrow when I have no responsibilities.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Southern dialect
Ah, Juanuchis, why'd ya hafta get me started on this? I know I talk Southern, but I thot it was only when I's tired. Now I discover
81% (Dixie). Did you have any Confederate ancestors?
And, yes, I did have Confederate ancestors, enough so that I could join the - what is it? - Daughters of the Confederacy. My uncle actually is a member of the men's form of that organization, and he has a framed picture and write-up about one of our most direct ancestors. Give me a break!
A Rebel at heart - maybe that explains my life. LOL
81% (Dixie). Did you have any Confederate ancestors?
And, yes, I did have Confederate ancestors, enough so that I could join the - what is it? - Daughters of the Confederacy. My uncle actually is a member of the men's form of that organization, and he has a framed picture and write-up about one of our most direct ancestors. Give me a break!
A Rebel at heart - maybe that explains my life. LOL
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Shadow Syndromes
Now that I'm about over this bout of depression - still a bit down at night, I read an article that I think came from Nina at Dancing Through Doorways. John J. Ratey teaches and researches in psychiatry at Harvard, and his article and book, Shadow Syndromes: People with Mild Forms of Serious Disorders, is reviewed here. As a result of new developments with echo planar magnetic resonance imaging (what a mouthful), researchers can watch the "mind boggle". I suddenly have a picture of all these lettered dice being jumbled around inside my skull while someone watches and tries to predict how they will land.
An MRI image
Anyway, the conclusions drawn so far indicate that when we change the chemical action in one part of the brain, other parts of the brain are affected also. And, sometimes the changes in the other parts of the brain return to change the area being medicated. For instance, he says, Prozac immediately raises the serotonin levels in the brain, but several weeks may pass before the depression lifts. So something else is happening here.
He says that timing and the geography of the brain and what he called recursivity (the feedback to the original change) are being investigated. He mentions that the biology of our brains are not fixed at birth; the brain responds to environment, for instance, traumatic incidences can "cause" post traumatic stress syndrome. We acquire dents and scrapes along the way even if we don't acquire such traumatic scars.
Lately, however, neuropsychiatry is discovering that genetics, brain structure and biochemistry heavily influences those mental/emotional diagnoses found in DSM IV. And, the thinking is that we really can have a touch of schizophrenia or bipolar or obessive-compulsive disorder without being much out of the ordinary (if you can define ordinary).
So, I presume it's like having a slight cold. The virus is there, but it's not affecting you much. So, I might have a touch of bipolar syndrome to go along with my ambient anxiety and together they may manifest themselves as depression. Or the depression and the panic may manifest as manic. Or some of one at one time and some of the other at another time or various stages in between. Not a very far out idea. We look at ourselves as being somewhere along a spectrum in many behaviors, beliefs, and choices, from insane liberal to middle of the road to insane conservative. And, each of us fits in different places along that particular spectrum at different times. And beliefs affect politics and politics affect compassion and ....
So, environment does shape heredity in that the environment (say a traumatic incident, and I've had a number of those) can affect brain chemistry in one area that filters through to other areas and eventually changes the functioning in the brain. Age, apparently can do the same.
No one is normal. There is no Jane Doe against which to compare ourselves. There may be a median or a mean or even an average on some spectrum of behavior or function of the brain, but nothing that even remotely qualifies as normal (and I challenge you to define either normal or ordinary). Ha!
I'm sitting here using the back of the Yale Alumni Magazine as a mouse pad, and the picture on the back cover is Bill Gates and Warren Buffett on a business jet. Gates is laughing and Buffett looks as if he is telling some tall tale with slight upturn of his mouth. He even has laugh lines. But, I'm wondering where does each fit on the spectrum of schizophrenia, bipolar, OCD? And, if you're not near the mean, median or average, are you at a disadvantage? Or, did being OCD have a positive affect on their financial success and fame?
If we give up or medicate away our end-of-the-spectrum behaviors, how will it affect our creativity, endurance, persistence? How much medicine is enough, and how much is too much? Too many new medicines on the market haven't seen long-term testing. And, I'm taking some of them...a number of them. I'm taking medicine that affects my serotonin levels, my dopamine levels, and whatever that is in panic disorder. I use area specific steroids to help my breathing. How are they interacting? I strongly suspect that no one knows. Drug manufacturers test for trace chemicals in urine and blood, but what about how those trace levels that stuck in my brain are combining to form a different me.
The question I used to ask my therapist is, "But, will I like the new me?" Sometimes, I do. Sometimes, I don't. And, I still throw tantrums, jump for joy, get fed up with stuff and dislike secrecy....among other traits along some of those brain spectra.
We thought I might have sleep apnea until we realized that A: I was taking two medicines together that make me sleepy and tired in the daytime, and B: the cats were walking all over me at night and waking me up. So, I changed the medication times and kicked the cats off me; now I'm doing well, thank you.
Still, the depression kicks in sometimes. Therapy helps. Medicine must be continued even though I don't want to take anything. Music helps. Activity helps. "Acting as if..." helps. "Pretend you're happy when you're blue...."
And, all of it may be some complicated recursivity from taking my medicines at the wrong time, or the synchronicity of memory triggers and dopamine/serotonin levels, or the alignment of the stars.
That's it. I'm going for the alignment of the stars - and my stars are more in alignment now! Thanks be to God.
An MRI image
Anyway, the conclusions drawn so far indicate that when we change the chemical action in one part of the brain, other parts of the brain are affected also. And, sometimes the changes in the other parts of the brain return to change the area being medicated. For instance, he says, Prozac immediately raises the serotonin levels in the brain, but several weeks may pass before the depression lifts. So something else is happening here.
He says that timing and the geography of the brain and what he called recursivity (the feedback to the original change) are being investigated. He mentions that the biology of our brains are not fixed at birth; the brain responds to environment, for instance, traumatic incidences can "cause" post traumatic stress syndrome. We acquire dents and scrapes along the way even if we don't acquire such traumatic scars.
Lately, however, neuropsychiatry is discovering that genetics, brain structure and biochemistry heavily influences those mental/emotional diagnoses found in DSM IV. And, the thinking is that we really can have a touch of schizophrenia or bipolar or obessive-compulsive disorder without being much out of the ordinary (if you can define ordinary).
So, I presume it's like having a slight cold. The virus is there, but it's not affecting you much. So, I might have a touch of bipolar syndrome to go along with my ambient anxiety and together they may manifest themselves as depression. Or the depression and the panic may manifest as manic. Or some of one at one time and some of the other at another time or various stages in between. Not a very far out idea. We look at ourselves as being somewhere along a spectrum in many behaviors, beliefs, and choices, from insane liberal to middle of the road to insane conservative. And, each of us fits in different places along that particular spectrum at different times. And beliefs affect politics and politics affect compassion and ....
So, environment does shape heredity in that the environment (say a traumatic incident, and I've had a number of those) can affect brain chemistry in one area that filters through to other areas and eventually changes the functioning in the brain. Age, apparently can do the same.
No one is normal. There is no Jane Doe against which to compare ourselves. There may be a median or a mean or even an average on some spectrum of behavior or function of the brain, but nothing that even remotely qualifies as normal (and I challenge you to define either normal or ordinary). Ha!
I'm sitting here using the back of the Yale Alumni Magazine as a mouse pad, and the picture on the back cover is Bill Gates and Warren Buffett on a business jet. Gates is laughing and Buffett looks as if he is telling some tall tale with slight upturn of his mouth. He even has laugh lines. But, I'm wondering where does each fit on the spectrum of schizophrenia, bipolar, OCD? And, if you're not near the mean, median or average, are you at a disadvantage? Or, did being OCD have a positive affect on their financial success and fame?
If we give up or medicate away our end-of-the-spectrum behaviors, how will it affect our creativity, endurance, persistence? How much medicine is enough, and how much is too much? Too many new medicines on the market haven't seen long-term testing. And, I'm taking some of them...a number of them. I'm taking medicine that affects my serotonin levels, my dopamine levels, and whatever that is in panic disorder. I use area specific steroids to help my breathing. How are they interacting? I strongly suspect that no one knows. Drug manufacturers test for trace chemicals in urine and blood, but what about how those trace levels that stuck in my brain are combining to form a different me.
The question I used to ask my therapist is, "But, will I like the new me?" Sometimes, I do. Sometimes, I don't. And, I still throw tantrums, jump for joy, get fed up with stuff and dislike secrecy....among other traits along some of those brain spectra.
We thought I might have sleep apnea until we realized that A: I was taking two medicines together that make me sleepy and tired in the daytime, and B: the cats were walking all over me at night and waking me up. So, I changed the medication times and kicked the cats off me; now I'm doing well, thank you.
Still, the depression kicks in sometimes. Therapy helps. Medicine must be continued even though I don't want to take anything. Music helps. Activity helps. "Acting as if..." helps. "Pretend you're happy when you're blue...."
And, all of it may be some complicated recursivity from taking my medicines at the wrong time, or the synchronicity of memory triggers and dopamine/serotonin levels, or the alignment of the stars.
That's it. I'm going for the alignment of the stars - and my stars are more in alignment now! Thanks be to God.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Depression update
Slowly passing depressing with occasional bouts of laughter and joy. Daytimes better. Finding out that our renovation is going to cost even less than we had thought is great. Found some bright colored jeans at Wal-Mart for $13 or $17. I can wear them to work. Ate lunch with partner. Got a good haircut. Found a wonderful new snack - Wild Things Crunch cereal from Kellogg's - had a picture of panda on the front so I had to buy it. LOL. And, it's only 100 calories for 3/4 cup with some fiber - crunches so good.
My cable scarf is coming along nicely. I will have to get one more skein of yarn tomorrow because I'm running out, but I am so thrilled with it. And, I made more yellow squigglies from the sleeves of the yellow sweater. I balled some of it, but I put the ends and bits in a blue pottery bowl and it's so pretty.
Life is good. Tonight may be not so good, but basically, everything is getting better. This, too, shall pass.
thanks for all the prayers and hugs.
My cable scarf is coming along nicely. I will have to get one more skein of yarn tomorrow because I'm running out, but I am so thrilled with it. And, I made more yellow squigglies from the sleeves of the yellow sweater. I balled some of it, but I put the ends and bits in a blue pottery bowl and it's so pretty.
Life is good. Tonight may be not so good, but basically, everything is getting better. This, too, shall pass.
thanks for all the prayers and hugs.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Depression Snuck Up On Me
When I wasn't paying attention, depression snuck up on me. Yesterday (Thursday) I bottomed out with apathy, lethargy, crying, no appetite (something's really wrong with me when that happens), and anger. I wanted to not be. Being was painful - life hurt. And, no, nothing drastic has happened in my world. Everything seems to be flowing along smoothly, except me.
I do have cyclic depression that seems to occur regardless of the medication I take. My new psychiatrist started me on Lamictal during a recent bout of short term cycling. And, that helped.
I've felt this one creeping up on me. Several days ago, I said to my partner, "I feel like I'm getting sick." Well, I was right, only it wasn't a cold. It was depression.
While I know that many times, this depression cycles itself right back out the door it came in, I decided I had to "do" something to alleviate it. So, I got dressed and went to Weight Watchers - gained two pounds. No big deal. i lost two last week. So, I'm pretty stable.
Partner, friend and I decided something to eat might help me. We left the meeting and went next door. Before we got next door, I burst out crying. Partner put her arms around my shoulders while I cried. I sniveled a few more times, and we proceeded to eat. The food was okay - I usually love it, always order the same thing.
Called my therapist. She had a cancellation. Had to kill time. Went to thrift shop. Then went to the yarn shop where I work and helped the owner unpack and price an order that had just come in.
Therapist helped. We looked at what had been going on with me emotionally for the past few weeks (not involving the move) and various relationships I have and my anger, irritation, bafflement, resentment, ... you know, all those things you don't want to admit that you have but seem to come pouring out of your mouth when you feel in a safe place with a safe person. Brimming full of it and spilling over. Heard her say that maybe what I was feeling about others was really what I was feeling/seeing/believing about myself. Took a good look at self. Not pretty. Good looking hat, but the inside was rotting. Set another appointment soon.
Came home. Talked with partner about issues. We use the "talking ball" to help us through tough discussions. When I am holding the ball, I get to talk until I am through. Then I give the ball to her and she gets to talk until she is through. And, back and forth until we can leave the ball still between us and be silent or discuss solutions.
Made some very interesting discoveries. Like, what I thought she was thinking as not what she was thinking at all. Amazing. I couldn't read her mind. Nor could she read mine. Probably a good thing both ways. But, I really need to stop projecting what I think she is thinking or feeling and check it out with her - and vice versa.
Also discovered that we think differently. Some of the ideas I discussed were so foreign to her that she looked at me in bafflement. Like finding pleasure in things. For her "things" are mostly utilitarian. She finds pleasure in doing and in being with others. And, oh yes, did I mention that we both have control and abandonment issues? LOL
And, I am/was having problems with other relationships like my godchildren. I just don't want to talk with any of them any more. I can't resolve their problems, and I just don't want to hear about it right now. Later, much later. So, I play passive in the passive/aggressive game - no, I didn't get your message. I don't know where my cell phone is. When did you call? Oh, dear. That's a lie. I saw who was calling and hit the silent button because I just couldn't talk right then. And, later, I forgot or maybe I still didn't feel like talking.
And, I'm tired of putting away things. Fortunately, most of the boxes are gone and we can open all the outside doors but one. It still has empty boxes leaning against it. All the packing boxes and paper are going to be listed on FreeCycle next week. Gone to someone or to the recycling place.
And, if it ever gets warm enough, I'm going to the garage and put away the Christmas decorations...etc.
Okay. So last night I slept in exhaustion. I haven't done too much today - a few loads of laundry - have about four more to go what with the bedding and towels. Can't wash much with a king-size mattress pad.
So that's where I am. I still have little appetite. I've been knitting, and, so far this evening, I've knitted six rows and taken out nine or so. It's still not right; so I quit and came in here to gripe about it all.
The cat is whining, my stomach is churning. I feel like I want to throw up and get it all out of my system. Not just the food, but all the bad stuff inside me. Just throw up and flush it away. Gone. At least for a while.
And, yes, I talked with my psychiatrist today. She doesn't know me well because I don't trust her. So, that discussion was pointless but probably cost me money. Continuing on the same medication as before.
And, I feel like a paving roller has flattened me into the road. I want some loud music and driving. On the other hand, it's cold outside and I haven't bothered to dress today; so I'd have to work to make that happen. And, what would my driving be like? Probably not so safe.
Bleah! I know tomorrow will be better, but this is just blasted miserable right now. Like the two people in prison looking out the bars into the night sky; one saw the mud and the other the stars. I'm the one looking at the mud and bars right now. Just need to tilt my head up a bit. But, that will come. More than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning (Psalm 130).
I do have cyclic depression that seems to occur regardless of the medication I take. My new psychiatrist started me on Lamictal during a recent bout of short term cycling. And, that helped.
I've felt this one creeping up on me. Several days ago, I said to my partner, "I feel like I'm getting sick." Well, I was right, only it wasn't a cold. It was depression.
While I know that many times, this depression cycles itself right back out the door it came in, I decided I had to "do" something to alleviate it. So, I got dressed and went to Weight Watchers - gained two pounds. No big deal. i lost two last week. So, I'm pretty stable.
Partner, friend and I decided something to eat might help me. We left the meeting and went next door. Before we got next door, I burst out crying. Partner put her arms around my shoulders while I cried. I sniveled a few more times, and we proceeded to eat. The food was okay - I usually love it, always order the same thing.
Called my therapist. She had a cancellation. Had to kill time. Went to thrift shop. Then went to the yarn shop where I work and helped the owner unpack and price an order that had just come in.
Therapist helped. We looked at what had been going on with me emotionally for the past few weeks (not involving the move) and various relationships I have and my anger, irritation, bafflement, resentment, ... you know, all those things you don't want to admit that you have but seem to come pouring out of your mouth when you feel in a safe place with a safe person. Brimming full of it and spilling over. Heard her say that maybe what I was feeling about others was really what I was feeling/seeing/believing about myself. Took a good look at self. Not pretty. Good looking hat, but the inside was rotting. Set another appointment soon.
Came home. Talked with partner about issues. We use the "talking ball" to help us through tough discussions. When I am holding the ball, I get to talk until I am through. Then I give the ball to her and she gets to talk until she is through. And, back and forth until we can leave the ball still between us and be silent or discuss solutions.
Made some very interesting discoveries. Like, what I thought she was thinking as not what she was thinking at all. Amazing. I couldn't read her mind. Nor could she read mine. Probably a good thing both ways. But, I really need to stop projecting what I think she is thinking or feeling and check it out with her - and vice versa.
Also discovered that we think differently. Some of the ideas I discussed were so foreign to her that she looked at me in bafflement. Like finding pleasure in things. For her "things" are mostly utilitarian. She finds pleasure in doing and in being with others. And, oh yes, did I mention that we both have control and abandonment issues? LOL
And, I am/was having problems with other relationships like my godchildren. I just don't want to talk with any of them any more. I can't resolve their problems, and I just don't want to hear about it right now. Later, much later. So, I play passive in the passive/aggressive game - no, I didn't get your message. I don't know where my cell phone is. When did you call? Oh, dear. That's a lie. I saw who was calling and hit the silent button because I just couldn't talk right then. And, later, I forgot or maybe I still didn't feel like talking.
And, I'm tired of putting away things. Fortunately, most of the boxes are gone and we can open all the outside doors but one. It still has empty boxes leaning against it. All the packing boxes and paper are going to be listed on FreeCycle next week. Gone to someone or to the recycling place.
And, if it ever gets warm enough, I'm going to the garage and put away the Christmas decorations...etc.
Okay. So last night I slept in exhaustion. I haven't done too much today - a few loads of laundry - have about four more to go what with the bedding and towels. Can't wash much with a king-size mattress pad.
So that's where I am. I still have little appetite. I've been knitting, and, so far this evening, I've knitted six rows and taken out nine or so. It's still not right; so I quit and came in here to gripe about it all.
The cat is whining, my stomach is churning. I feel like I want to throw up and get it all out of my system. Not just the food, but all the bad stuff inside me. Just throw up and flush it away. Gone. At least for a while.
And, yes, I talked with my psychiatrist today. She doesn't know me well because I don't trust her. So, that discussion was pointless but probably cost me money. Continuing on the same medication as before.
And, I feel like a paving roller has flattened me into the road. I want some loud music and driving. On the other hand, it's cold outside and I haven't bothered to dress today; so I'd have to work to make that happen. And, what would my driving be like? Probably not so safe.
Bleah! I know tomorrow will be better, but this is just blasted miserable right now. Like the two people in prison looking out the bars into the night sky; one saw the mud and the other the stars. I'm the one looking at the mud and bars right now. Just need to tilt my head up a bit. But, that will come. More than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning (Psalm 130).
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
What privileges are yours?
On Privilege
I found this interesting meme at Missy's Big Fish Stories. From What Privileges Do You Have?, based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.
Bold the true statements.
1. Father went to college.
2. Father finished college.
3. Mother went to college.
4. Mother finished college.
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18.
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.
16. Went to a private high school.
17. Went to summer camp.
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels.
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house.
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.
25. You had your own room as a child.
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school.
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.
What opportunities did you have growing up?
What's not included in this is privilege resulting from race, gender, sexual orientation, even wealth later in life. I came from a relatively poor background, but I have many privileges. The first one in the South, still today, is that I am white. The second is that I speak English and do it well. The third is that I have learned not to be submissive. The fourth is that I am "churched"; I have an automatic support system for most problems. The fifth is that I belong to a 12-step group; I have an automatic support system of people experienced in almost any problem I encounter. These are not only blessings but privileges not open to everyone. Churches reject. 12-step groups are not available everywhere at times when the people are in need...even though they try.
And, I can read, understand metaphor, look back at history and how we are relating the same manner or not, make financial judgments that aren't based on where the handouts are available.
Thanks, Missy. I know blessings and I know privileges, and I have both.
I found this interesting meme at Missy's Big Fish Stories. From What Privileges Do You Have?, based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.
Bold the true statements.
1. Father went to college.
2. Father finished college.
3. Mother went to college.
4. Mother finished college.
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18.
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.
16. Went to a private high school.
17. Went to summer camp.
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels.
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house.
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.
25. You had your own room as a child.
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school.
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.
What opportunities did you have growing up?
What's not included in this is privilege resulting from race, gender, sexual orientation, even wealth later in life. I came from a relatively poor background, but I have many privileges. The first one in the South, still today, is that I am white. The second is that I speak English and do it well. The third is that I have learned not to be submissive. The fourth is that I am "churched"; I have an automatic support system for most problems. The fifth is that I belong to a 12-step group; I have an automatic support system of people experienced in almost any problem I encounter. These are not only blessings but privileges not open to everyone. Churches reject. 12-step groups are not available everywhere at times when the people are in need...even though they try.
And, I can read, understand metaphor, look back at history and how we are relating the same manner or not, make financial judgments that aren't based on where the handouts are available.
Thanks, Missy. I know blessings and I know privileges, and I have both.
My "off" day
"Off" - well, I've always been off a little bit - sometimes more than others. But, today is a day without any plans. I am off from work, off from obligations, off from appointments, off from most responsibilities.
However, since the laundry is now stacked over my head, not only clothes, but mattress covers, towels, blankets, sheets, and lots of clothes, I think I'll do some laundry. I'll sort it in the guest room so that I don't have to finish it today. I think tomorrow is an "off" day as well. LOL
Grandchildren are undoubtedly a blessing, but I'm grateful today that I don't have any - no children either, just Godchildren, and they all seem to be busy with their own lives lately. I would be thinking up things for the grandchildren and I to do together if I had any. And, I don't want to think. I don't want to be busy and out and about. I just want to be home.
What a blessing it is to have a home. I've been concerned lately about our homeless folk. I saw two police cars stopped on the by-pass (now a limited access road through our town) with two people and a shopping cart. The cart was almost empty; the people were shivering. I was on the other side of the median and when I turned around they were all gone, including the shopping cart. Perhaps these two people were homeless and sheltering in the small patch of woods alongside the by-pass. Perhaps the police had merely cautioned them about fires after checking their IDs (and I hope they had them). I would like to think that the police offered them a ride to the nearest shelter and the protection from the cold that offered. I pray that they find a way "home".
However, since the laundry is now stacked over my head, not only clothes, but mattress covers, towels, blankets, sheets, and lots of clothes, I think I'll do some laundry. I'll sort it in the guest room so that I don't have to finish it today. I think tomorrow is an "off" day as well. LOL
Grandchildren are undoubtedly a blessing, but I'm grateful today that I don't have any - no children either, just Godchildren, and they all seem to be busy with their own lives lately. I would be thinking up things for the grandchildren and I to do together if I had any. And, I don't want to think. I don't want to be busy and out and about. I just want to be home.
What a blessing it is to have a home. I've been concerned lately about our homeless folk. I saw two police cars stopped on the by-pass (now a limited access road through our town) with two people and a shopping cart. The cart was almost empty; the people were shivering. I was on the other side of the median and when I turned around they were all gone, including the shopping cart. Perhaps these two people were homeless and sheltering in the small patch of woods alongside the by-pass. Perhaps the police had merely cautioned them about fires after checking their IDs (and I hope they had them). I would like to think that the police offered them a ride to the nearest shelter and the protection from the cold that offered. I pray that they find a way "home".
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Meme
Stolen from shannon
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Fluffy Prius
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Vanilla Crocs
3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal): Red Panda
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Ann Clarksdale
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first three letters of your last name, first two of your first name): orema
6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Blue Coke
7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers): Mike Waymon
8. STRIPPER NAME ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Amber Joy
9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your fifth grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Eason Easton
10. SPY NAME (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Winter Pansy
11. CARTOON NAME (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Peaches Plaid
12. HIPPIE NAME (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Crunch Cottonwood
What an assortment - and I could live with almost any of them except maybe Peaches Plaid - but what a great name for a country character - and I coulda been one - notice that "coulda". None of you say that I am, okay.
And, Blue Coke is a bit beyond me. Let's see, how could we change that: Sky Coca? Storm .... nah, nothing sounds very good.
I believe that names are very important in our lives; they shape the person we become, and they can certainly affect us during our growing years. As a preteen, I switched to a nickname from my real name, and I kept it until I thought it would sound a bit funny for an ordained person. Of course, I never was ordained in a church; so that was a bust. Now people know me by both nickname and given name.
And, I shed my maiden name with marriage. I liked the way the new name sounded, and that's who I still am even though I was divorced and remarried. I did not take my second husband's name because everyone misspelled it and it didn't sound good. LOL What a reason. I had that name for almost 40 years now, and I still like it.
If I'd been named "Edna", I wouldn't have lived the same life or done the same things. Edna doesn't seem daring enough to me. Of course, with the life I've led, my name should be something like: Daring Sweet Dreamer. Or Changeling Wanderer. Or .... well, you get the idea. One of my friends always prefaces my name with "Sweet", and I objected to it for a long time. Now, I admit it. I'm soft hearted and, unless you catch me tired, hungry, late or angry, I wouldn't say anything that would hurt you intentionally. I can be vicious at bad times.
Titles, also, can change one's bent in life. Assistant instead of Associate, News Editor instead of Assistant Director, Executive Director, Assembler. And, what do you call the people who help you keep house - maid, housekeeper, cleaning people, helpers??? Titles can change your attitude towards people.
And, personally, I think that when we elect a President, we ought to be considering the spouse as well. Think of how influential Nancy Reagan was during the presidency, and Dolley Madison. Does Obama have a spouse? And, Hillary would be a fool, if elected, not to consider the experience of her husband.
Names. In the Bible, God let Adam name the creatures. In older times, the discoverer of something new got to name it. Now the naming is done by associations and committees. Parents decide on babies' names...along with input from everyone who knows them. Seems like in native american culture, the naming was suited to the youngster at an appropriate time - and that didn't always fit either. So, I'm all for choosing your own name and changing it whenever you wish.
Right now, I want to be Strong Wind or Agile Associate - considering that I'm headed for work and will be restocking yarn and stuff - up and down the step stool and ladder and kneeling on the floor.
Y'all have a great day - and if you're digging out of the snow, may your name be Strong Safety.
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Fluffy Prius
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Vanilla Crocs
3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal): Red Panda
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Ann Clarksdale
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first three letters of your last name, first two of your first name): orema
6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Blue Coke
7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers): Mike Waymon
8. STRIPPER NAME ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Amber Joy
9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your fifth grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Eason Easton
10. SPY NAME (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Winter Pansy
11. CARTOON NAME (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Peaches Plaid
12. HIPPIE NAME (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Crunch Cottonwood
What an assortment - and I could live with almost any of them except maybe Peaches Plaid - but what a great name for a country character - and I coulda been one - notice that "coulda". None of you say that I am, okay.
And, Blue Coke is a bit beyond me. Let's see, how could we change that: Sky Coca? Storm .... nah, nothing sounds very good.
I believe that names are very important in our lives; they shape the person we become, and they can certainly affect us during our growing years. As a preteen, I switched to a nickname from my real name, and I kept it until I thought it would sound a bit funny for an ordained person. Of course, I never was ordained in a church; so that was a bust. Now people know me by both nickname and given name.
And, I shed my maiden name with marriage. I liked the way the new name sounded, and that's who I still am even though I was divorced and remarried. I did not take my second husband's name because everyone misspelled it and it didn't sound good. LOL What a reason. I had that name for almost 40 years now, and I still like it.
If I'd been named "Edna", I wouldn't have lived the same life or done the same things. Edna doesn't seem daring enough to me. Of course, with the life I've led, my name should be something like: Daring Sweet Dreamer. Or Changeling Wanderer. Or .... well, you get the idea. One of my friends always prefaces my name with "Sweet", and I objected to it for a long time. Now, I admit it. I'm soft hearted and, unless you catch me tired, hungry, late or angry, I wouldn't say anything that would hurt you intentionally. I can be vicious at bad times.
Titles, also, can change one's bent in life. Assistant instead of Associate, News Editor instead of Assistant Director, Executive Director, Assembler. And, what do you call the people who help you keep house - maid, housekeeper, cleaning people, helpers??? Titles can change your attitude towards people.
And, personally, I think that when we elect a President, we ought to be considering the spouse as well. Think of how influential Nancy Reagan was during the presidency, and Dolley Madison. Does Obama have a spouse? And, Hillary would be a fool, if elected, not to consider the experience of her husband.
Names. In the Bible, God let Adam name the creatures. In older times, the discoverer of something new got to name it. Now the naming is done by associations and committees. Parents decide on babies' names...along with input from everyone who knows them. Seems like in native american culture, the naming was suited to the youngster at an appropriate time - and that didn't always fit either. So, I'm all for choosing your own name and changing it whenever you wish.
Right now, I want to be Strong Wind or Agile Associate - considering that I'm headed for work and will be restocking yarn and stuff - up and down the step stool and ladder and kneeling on the floor.
Y'all have a great day - and if you're digging out of the snow, may your name be Strong Safety.
Monday, January 21, 2008
First Cable Stitch
Now you might not think this is such a big deal, but, let me tell you, I dreaded this process for a long time. Then today, I sat in on a class for learning how to cable stitch. While there, I did two cable stitches, but they were too close together for the scarf to be flat. So I ripped it all out and reknitted just past this first stitch. I am soooo pleased.
Coca-Cola
For Christmas a friend brought me a bottle of Coca-Cola, my favorite drink and logo, that was made in Mexico - made with real sugar, not high fructose corn syrup. Then I discovered that our local Mexican tienda has them. Now, I'm splurging and drinking about 3 per week.
I am so excited. The first few sips were soooo sweet, but then my taste memory kicked in and, "Oh, sweet bliss" - just like the original Coke recipe that I remember from many years ago.
It's like finding the original recipe for my spirituality. Sometimes, I have to go back to the basics, "Jesus loves me this I know". My Mom sang lots of good songs while we were growing up, and most of them were about the ubiquitous presence of God - with us, beside us, pulling for us, being our friend. When I move far from God, I sing some of those songs, and I feel myself being pulled in.
"Let the lower lights be burning, send a gleam across the wave. Some poor fainting, struggling sinner, you may rescue, you may save." And, I can see the lower light as well as the stars - and I have hope and faith and enthusiasm once again. It's my original recipe.
But, back to Coke. Then Friday, I stopped at Trash and Treasures and found a large basket full of Coke "stuff"...bought it, brought it home, unpacked it. Inside was a Coke can phone that works really well, four salad plates with the Coke logo in the middle, a couple of mugs with similar logo, two tiny little lunch boxes, a straw holder, a tin shaped like a Coke truck (the top of the truck cab also comes off), a huge Coke stein. What fun, what fun! Everything has found a home including that wonderful basket that held all of these goodies.
Why do we like such things as Coke logos? It's the real thing. That summarizes my feelings when I see the Coke logo, a created response. Even the right color red will trigger that feeling that the moment, the place, the time, is the real thing - the essence of my life. The wave is motion, and I've always been in motion. So, the Coke logo is, in some ways, a symbol of my life - vital color, flowing motion, excitement, tastes good, savory, peps me up.
And, now that I've had my high fructose, 8 ounce bottle of Coke and my spiritual reflection for the day, I think I'll get a shower and head off for a knitting class on making cable stitch.
May you find your logo!
I am so excited. The first few sips were soooo sweet, but then my taste memory kicked in and, "Oh, sweet bliss" - just like the original Coke recipe that I remember from many years ago.
It's like finding the original recipe for my spirituality. Sometimes, I have to go back to the basics, "Jesus loves me this I know". My Mom sang lots of good songs while we were growing up, and most of them were about the ubiquitous presence of God - with us, beside us, pulling for us, being our friend. When I move far from God, I sing some of those songs, and I feel myself being pulled in.
"Let the lower lights be burning, send a gleam across the wave. Some poor fainting, struggling sinner, you may rescue, you may save." And, I can see the lower light as well as the stars - and I have hope and faith and enthusiasm once again. It's my original recipe.
But, back to Coke. Then Friday, I stopped at Trash and Treasures and found a large basket full of Coke "stuff"...bought it, brought it home, unpacked it. Inside was a Coke can phone that works really well, four salad plates with the Coke logo in the middle, a couple of mugs with similar logo, two tiny little lunch boxes, a straw holder, a tin shaped like a Coke truck (the top of the truck cab also comes off), a huge Coke stein. What fun, what fun! Everything has found a home including that wonderful basket that held all of these goodies.
Why do we like such things as Coke logos? It's the real thing. That summarizes my feelings when I see the Coke logo, a created response. Even the right color red will trigger that feeling that the moment, the place, the time, is the real thing - the essence of my life. The wave is motion, and I've always been in motion. So, the Coke logo is, in some ways, a symbol of my life - vital color, flowing motion, excitement, tastes good, savory, peps me up.
And, now that I've had my high fructose, 8 ounce bottle of Coke and my spiritual reflection for the day, I think I'll get a shower and head off for a knitting class on making cable stitch.May you find your logo!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
un-knitting update
Okay, D, I forgot to go to bed. I turned around and there was this yellow thing - so I finished off the back. Then I remembered that you wanted a pix of the gray shawl. So here they are - not good pix - will do better in daylight and sanity.
Yellow remainder
yellow squigglies
grey shawl
Yellow remainder
yellow squigglies
grey shawl
Monday, January 14, 2008
As I straighten my study
I picked this up from Knitting Novices Yahoo group and have adapted it to fit me:
Craftaholics Anonymous
12 Step Program
Newly Revised to 13 Steps
Original © 2001 by Shirley Thomas @ CraftSayings.com
1. I will not stuff craft supplies in every corner of my house.
2. I will not keep nine projects going at one time.
3. I will not buy more yarn, beads or fabric, even if they are on sale, until I finish the projects I have.
4. I will not let my study/work room look like a junk yard.
5. I will not confiscate the dining table or the sofa for crafts.
6. I will not attend craft (bead, yarn) shows or shops just to pick up more ideas.
7. I will not buy more storage carts for my craft stash.
8. I will not spend all that I make working at the yarn shop before I leave the shop.
9. I will not check every day to see what's available on eBay.
10. I will not stay up half the night crafting.
11. I will not save dryer lint, toilet paper rolls, detergent scoops, old shirts, pretty magazine pages
12. I will not buy every craft magazine I see.
13. See you at the yarn shop (bead show).
Craftaholics Anonymous
12 Step Program
Newly Revised to 13 Steps
Original © 2001 by Shirley Thomas @ CraftSayings.com
1. I will not stuff craft supplies in every corner of my house.
2. I will not keep nine projects going at one time.
3. I will not buy more yarn, beads or fabric, even if they are on sale, until I finish the projects I have.
4. I will not let my study/work room look like a junk yard.
5. I will not confiscate the dining table or the sofa for crafts.
6. I will not attend craft (bead, yarn) shows or shops just to pick up more ideas.
7. I will not buy more storage carts for my craft stash.
8. I will not spend all that I make working at the yarn shop before I leave the shop.
9. I will not check every day to see what's available on eBay.
10. I will not stay up half the night crafting.
11. I will not save dryer lint, toilet paper rolls, detergent scoops, old shirts, pretty magazine pages
12. I will not buy every craft magazine I see.
13. See you at the yarn shop (bead show).
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Too little blogging that's real
I don't consider memes, jokes, surveys and such as real blogging, but I guess they are. They all reflect a piece of me.
Recently I did a 3 day retreat on Spirituality, personality and change. Today I was putting away the books and materials that I used for that retreat, and I was reading some of the material about my own personality and spiritual type. I'm an ENTJ with a bit of ENFJ hiding in there somewhere. So, I'm a "fieldmarshal" with a bit of "teacher" wrapped in. The great organizer. ha From an early age they can be observed taking command of groups. ha, ha
Now this part seems true: "Fieldmarshals more than any other type desire (and generally have the ability) to visualize where the organization is going, and they seem able to communicate that vision to others." and "They are ever intent on reducing bureaucractic red tape, task redundancy, and aimless confusion... Although Fieldmarshals are tolerant of established procedures, they can and will abandon any procedure when it can be shown to be ineffective in accomplishing the goal."
I follow in the footsteps of Margaret Thatcher, Carl Sagan, George Bernard Shaw, Golda Meir, and (ummmm) Napoleon.
I don't know how this relates but my Mom used to say I had several favorite expressions and they usually followed one another if you just waited long enough.
"I'll tell you what......"
"On the other hand......"
Seems like that fits with a Fieldmarshal and a Teacher.
We're getting used to our renovated home. The living room is a delight - no changes in layout there. But, the kitchen is totally new. And, the layout is different. Someone asked me the other day if I had trouble finding things. No, they are where they should be. The other kitchen was wrong; all we did was make it right.
On the other hand, I've had to rethink some of my planning because it's just not working out effectively. For instance, my partner wants the coffee pot, mugs and flatware to the left of the sink. Not where I'd planned for it to be, but I can adapt - right? So, we put the flatware where I thought the kitchen utensils ought to go. Something just didn't feel right about that. Then, I figured it out, and I've changed it while she's out of town. I turned the divided tray around so that the handles are closest to you when you're standing in front of the coffee pot. Of course, I'm right handed and she's left handed, and that could make a difference in how the handles are turned. I'm wondering if she'll notice it before she reads this.
And, I've been having other fun in her absence - about four days of lazy solitude. I've unpacked boxes and decided to get rid of more books - religous stuff that I will never use again. I still have about 10 boxes of books to unpack yet, but I suspect that many of them will depart in peace to be loved in the service of the Lord.
I wonder that my personality type has not changed more. I'm certainly enjoying the creative aspects of me lately - writing, painting, making jewelry, knitting, roasting cats. No, just joking on the latter. I have two part-Siamese, and one of them is yowling at me that it's time for his medicine and treats. Here he comes, white paws a gleaming in the door to stare at me when the yowling didn't work.
So, I guess I'll cut short this personal musing and "pill the cat". It is that time.
Recently I did a 3 day retreat on Spirituality, personality and change. Today I was putting away the books and materials that I used for that retreat, and I was reading some of the material about my own personality and spiritual type. I'm an ENTJ with a bit of ENFJ hiding in there somewhere. So, I'm a "fieldmarshal" with a bit of "teacher" wrapped in. The great organizer. ha From an early age they can be observed taking command of groups. ha, ha
Now this part seems true: "Fieldmarshals more than any other type desire (and generally have the ability) to visualize where the organization is going, and they seem able to communicate that vision to others." and "They are ever intent on reducing bureaucractic red tape, task redundancy, and aimless confusion... Although Fieldmarshals are tolerant of established procedures, they can and will abandon any procedure when it can be shown to be ineffective in accomplishing the goal."
I follow in the footsteps of Margaret Thatcher, Carl Sagan, George Bernard Shaw, Golda Meir, and (ummmm) Napoleon.
I don't know how this relates but my Mom used to say I had several favorite expressions and they usually followed one another if you just waited long enough.
"I'll tell you what......"
"On the other hand......"
Seems like that fits with a Fieldmarshal and a Teacher.
We're getting used to our renovated home. The living room is a delight - no changes in layout there. But, the kitchen is totally new. And, the layout is different. Someone asked me the other day if I had trouble finding things. No, they are where they should be. The other kitchen was wrong; all we did was make it right.
On the other hand, I've had to rethink some of my planning because it's just not working out effectively. For instance, my partner wants the coffee pot, mugs and flatware to the left of the sink. Not where I'd planned for it to be, but I can adapt - right? So, we put the flatware where I thought the kitchen utensils ought to go. Something just didn't feel right about that. Then, I figured it out, and I've changed it while she's out of town. I turned the divided tray around so that the handles are closest to you when you're standing in front of the coffee pot. Of course, I'm right handed and she's left handed, and that could make a difference in how the handles are turned. I'm wondering if she'll notice it before she reads this.
And, I've been having other fun in her absence - about four days of lazy solitude. I've unpacked boxes and decided to get rid of more books - religous stuff that I will never use again. I still have about 10 boxes of books to unpack yet, but I suspect that many of them will depart in peace to be loved in the service of the Lord.
I wonder that my personality type has not changed more. I'm certainly enjoying the creative aspects of me lately - writing, painting, making jewelry, knitting, roasting cats. No, just joking on the latter. I have two part-Siamese, and one of them is yowling at me that it's time for his medicine and treats. Here he comes, white paws a gleaming in the door to stare at me when the yowling didn't work.
So, I guess I'll cut short this personal musing and "pill the cat". It is that time.
You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained |
 The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. |
No wonder I was never a "success" in my careers; I chose words and management, not artistic endeavors.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Recipe for sharecropper
The Recipe For sharecropper Even though I'm a tee-totaller! |
 3 parts Difance 2 parts Passion 1 part Warmth Splash of Drive Limit yourself to one serving. This cocktail is strong! |
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
One step toward an ecologically sound world
Padre Mickey tagged Juanuchis for this meme, and I liked the idea; so I'm doing it, too.
Steps towards an environmentally (ecologically) sound world - what am I doing and what can I do to leave a smaller "footprint" in the world.
First, let me say that I do many things that leave "footprints" large and unsound: I use way too much gasoline with too many vehicles on our property. I drink too much bottled water even though the bottles are recycled. I forget to take the plastic bags back to the grocery store and get sick of seeing them and throw them in the trash. But, I do get paper bags at one grocery and I reuse them for our recycling. I don't have a compost heap here. We have far too many things with little LED lights and instant on/off controls; so we use more electricity. I use poison for fire ants.
Okay, so what am I doing to help the world:
1. We do recycle everything possible except table scraps.
2. I mostly drive a Prius which uses little gas.
3. I am conscious of how much water I use. We do not water our lawn most of the time. Our water shortage here is not as bad as other places, but we let the grass die.
4. I donate clothing that I have under-grown (Weight Watchers does work.) to friends or to our local non-profit thrift shops.
5. During our recent house renovation, everything possible in salvage went to Habitat for Humanity. And, we still have some light fixtures and other things to go there.
6. I am reusing old deck boards for bordering flower beds. And, we bought less toxic treated wood for the recplacement boards on the deck. We used the composite stuff for our front porch instead of treated wood.
7. We turn off lights when we leave a room. Maybe this saves the electricity that all our little LED lights use. LOL
8. We are conscious of things that should not go into the landfills and recycle batteries, ink cartridges, and such in the proper places.
9. I cannibalize old computers from other people for parts and to recycle them for use by unwed mothers to complete schooling. The remaining parts are appropriately discarded. Although I read recently that far too much high tech waste goes to foreign countries for salvage in unhealthy manner.
Enough.
Steps towards an environmentally (ecologically) sound world - what am I doing and what can I do to leave a smaller "footprint" in the world.
First, let me say that I do many things that leave "footprints" large and unsound: I use way too much gasoline with too many vehicles on our property. I drink too much bottled water even though the bottles are recycled. I forget to take the plastic bags back to the grocery store and get sick of seeing them and throw them in the trash. But, I do get paper bags at one grocery and I reuse them for our recycling. I don't have a compost heap here. We have far too many things with little LED lights and instant on/off controls; so we use more electricity. I use poison for fire ants.
Okay, so what am I doing to help the world:
1. We do recycle everything possible except table scraps.
2. I mostly drive a Prius which uses little gas.
3. I am conscious of how much water I use. We do not water our lawn most of the time. Our water shortage here is not as bad as other places, but we let the grass die.
4. I donate clothing that I have under-grown (Weight Watchers does work.) to friends or to our local non-profit thrift shops.
5. During our recent house renovation, everything possible in salvage went to Habitat for Humanity. And, we still have some light fixtures and other things to go there.
6. I am reusing old deck boards for bordering flower beds. And, we bought less toxic treated wood for the recplacement boards on the deck. We used the composite stuff for our front porch instead of treated wood.
7. We turn off lights when we leave a room. Maybe this saves the electricity that all our little LED lights use. LOL
8. We are conscious of things that should not go into the landfills and recycle batteries, ink cartridges, and such in the proper places.
9. I cannibalize old computers from other people for parts and to recycle them for use by unwed mothers to complete schooling. The remaining parts are appropriately discarded. Although I read recently that far too much high tech waste goes to foreign countries for salvage in unhealthy manner.
Enough.
Monday, January 07, 2008
The second coming
Well, it's foggy here today.
And, the sun is coming up.
And, the fog is glowing a bright yellow light. Too bright to even photograph.
I'm wondering about the Return of Christ! Today?
And, the sun is coming up.
And, the fog is glowing a bright yellow light. Too bright to even photograph.
I'm wondering about the Return of Christ! Today?
More knitting commentary
The Hat pictures are below. This was a fun project; my first time to follow a pattern, and possibly my last. I'm not good at following patterns. LOL
Now, I am knitting a shawl to wear here at home (guess I could wear it out) that will tuck into my pants and not get in my way like the sleeves of my flannel shirts do. So, it's grey alpaca grande - a nice thick yarn that is silky soft and slides right off the metal needles I am using. I've have developed more fine motor skills this time in grabbing the stitches as they slide off the needle and before they sink into the previous row of stitches. That would be problematic with this silky alpaca. Very hard to correct dropped stitches.
Anyway, I don't much care for repetitive work - too many knit stitches and not enough purl stitches or other variation. And, shawls take a lot of stitches. You knit from the tip of the shawl up to the shoulder. So, you start out with two stitches and increase every other row by two stitches. I got up to about 83 stitches and decided it was surely big enough and I was tired of doing the same old thing. So I bound it off, but I was smart enough not to cut the yarn.
I grandly flipped it over my back and, alas, it barely covered the tops of my shoulders. Ugh. I could either give it to a very small person or I could try to get it back on the needles - those same metal needles (called circular turbo needles). I opted for getting it back on the needles.
Other than having every stitch turned backwards (not a real problem to change but tedious), the re-needling went smoothly. And, I now have about five more rows of it knitted. I suspect I have many rows to go before it is the right size and many more knit stitches than I have any desire to do. But, I shall persevere, and we will eventually have pictures of my grey alpaca grande shawl. Of course, the weather is going to be 70 degrees here today; so I may never need it again.
Now, I am knitting a shawl to wear here at home (guess I could wear it out) that will tuck into my pants and not get in my way like the sleeves of my flannel shirts do. So, it's grey alpaca grande - a nice thick yarn that is silky soft and slides right off the metal needles I am using. I've have developed more fine motor skills this time in grabbing the stitches as they slide off the needle and before they sink into the previous row of stitches. That would be problematic with this silky alpaca. Very hard to correct dropped stitches.
Anyway, I don't much care for repetitive work - too many knit stitches and not enough purl stitches or other variation. And, shawls take a lot of stitches. You knit from the tip of the shawl up to the shoulder. So, you start out with two stitches and increase every other row by two stitches. I got up to about 83 stitches and decided it was surely big enough and I was tired of doing the same old thing. So I bound it off, but I was smart enough not to cut the yarn.
I grandly flipped it over my back and, alas, it barely covered the tops of my shoulders. Ugh. I could either give it to a very small person or I could try to get it back on the needles - those same metal needles (called circular turbo needles). I opted for getting it back on the needles.
Other than having every stitch turned backwards (not a real problem to change but tedious), the re-needling went smoothly. And, I now have about five more rows of it knitted. I suspect I have many rows to go before it is the right size and many more knit stitches than I have any desire to do. But, I shall persevere, and we will eventually have pictures of my grey alpaca grande shawl. Of course, the weather is going to be 70 degrees here today; so I may never need it again.
The Felted Hat
The Hat before felting in December 07
The Hat after Felting in January 08
sharecropper in hat after more shaping. Now it has a flat top and a brim that is flat.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Needing Feedback
My favorite skein of yarnTonight as I was showing my friends from Atlanta some of my yarn work and bead work, they wanted me to begin blogging about my experiences in learning how to knit, how to mix colors and what things look right to me - well, that's my interpretation of what they were saying. They also called me an artist and said they would help "hawk" my wares and suggested I apply for a "store" on etsy.com.
Now, I get really excited about yarn and beads and silver and jewelry in general - having a lot of it helps. They pointed out that I couldn't keep replenishing my inventory if I kept giving it away. But, I have so much fun doing it. And, I love mixing colors.
Right now, I want to make myself a shawl to wear around the house when my shoulders get cold without putting on my flannel shirt (a signature piece of my wardrobe). I've tried several different yarns - mixes of soft wools and mohairs, wool and rayon worsted and bulky weights, different size needles and I'm still searching for the easy way to a beautiful shawl for me. I just don't like the look of straight knitting - can't ever remember garter from - oh whatever the other one is. So, I thought I'd go for knit one row, purl one row. Someone help me remember what that is called. Anyway, it gives you a right side and a wrong side (and I like the look of both of them). I also like the twisted stitch where you wrap the yarn around both needles once and one needle the second time. Gives an elongated twisted stitch that is elegant and easy to do. But, I'm not sure how that would work in a shawl.
I bought some gorgeous nylon short fur in a multi gray/blue/rust. I tried mixing it with a wool/rayon (Berrocco Softwist) in the cranberry color, in the navy color, and finally settled on an Encore Worsted in blue/gray. I knitted about eight inches from the tip and looked at it. The spacing of the colors in the multi gave it a blotched look as if someone had tried to daub paint on the yarn and made a big mess. So that was not the way to go.
Then I tried a size 13 needle with a good red Softwist and a beautiful mohair. ugh. Didn't like the way the thing looked in straight knit. So, now I'm taking that out - and have you ever tried undoing mohair knitted with something else. Bleah. Sticks to itself, to your sleeves, to your fingers (dry this time of year), and to the other yarn. So, I gently pull them apart and roll as I go - remembering years of embroidery thread and how badly it twists and kinks. Do a short bit at a time. Pull the mohair apart with tweezers if you can't catch it since your fingernails all break off at this time of year with the dryness.
You'd think with the humidity and the rain we've had the last few days that my skin and nails would begin to look human again. Naaah. Just peeled another nail and snagged a thumbnail down to the edge. This does not bode well for working with furry fibers. And, when I try to pull the stuff off my fingers, I end up with it in my mouth and that's yucky. Talk about a wooly mouth!!
So, now I'm looking at Reynolds Frisky, which no one online seems to have in red and we only have yellow in the shop - oh, by the way, I work one day a week in a yarn shop. Most days I spend more than I make. LOL What a good employee I am - contributing to the well being of our shop - you notice the possessive "our" there, huh? My boss would have to run me off with an ugly stick.
So, maybe some of my posts will be about yarn and beads, jewelry and such. And, no, I'm not a fancy dresser though I do like to look nice. I just love jewelry. My partner, who does woodworking, says that one can never have enough clamps. I think one can never have enough earrings (or yarn) (or beads). Currently, I have more bead than the local shop. And, the bead show is coming up nearby in January. So, I really need to get rid of some of the stuff I have in order to buy more.
Ah, the wicked web we weave when first we practice gathering and greed.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Giving Meme
I will send a handmade gift to the first five people who comment to this post. You may email your snailmail address to me at dancing.through.doorways@gmail.com.
While others' lists of handmade goodies is extensive, mine consists of beaded earrings suitable for pierced ears, a fiber necklace, or a package of homemade hot chocolate mix. List your two favorite colors and silver or gold for earrings, just two colors for the necklace.
Here's the catch: If you comment to this post, you'll have to post to your own journal (wherever it is, doesn't have to be on Blogger) making the same offer. Comments are open!
Got this meme from Nina but the gifts come from me.
While others' lists of handmade goodies is extensive, mine consists of beaded earrings suitable for pierced ears, a fiber necklace, or a package of homemade hot chocolate mix. List your two favorite colors and silver or gold for earrings, just two colors for the necklace.
Here's the catch: If you comment to this post, you'll have to post to your own journal (wherever it is, doesn't have to be on Blogger) making the same offer. Comments are open!
Got this meme from Nina but the gifts come from me.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
The Not-A-Scrooge Meme
This originally began as an email meme, but I just can't think who would like to read it. So, this has become a blog meme for me - thanks to Juanuchis Way
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Paper
2. Real tree or Artificial? One just bought today 8 foot real, 7 miniature artificial
3. When do you put up the tree? Usually the first week of December, but with house renovation - probably not until the 23rd when we have our tree trimming party
4. When do you take the tree down? when my partner gets sick of it
5. Do you like eggnog? I love it, but it doesn't love me - and no alcohol, please.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Don't remember much of my childhood, but think it was a pair of white majorette boots that I lost the first day of school because I took them off when they hurt my feet. Those were the only acceptable boots for girls then.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, two of them - one is a small multi-part set and the other is my partner's childhood cardboard with plaster figures
8. Hardest person to buy for? My partner
9. Easiest person to buy for? The ones who give me lists
10.Mail or email Christmas cards? Not doing them this year
11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I'm sure it was a ruffled dress that Mom gave me - taffeta with flocked pine cones on the gathered skirt - and worn with a crinoline petticoat (not one of the big ones) that scratched. Bleah.
12.Favorite Christmas Movie? Don't know
13.When do you start shopping for Christmas? I shop all year to fill stocking for my friends - stocking are popcorn tins, but I start present shopping in December usually. If I buy it any sooner, I give it to the person then. Can't wait.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes, many.
15.Favorite thing to eat/drink at Christmas? Cornbread Dressing and cranberry sauce
16.Clear lights or colored on the tree? We have old fashioned colored lights on our tree now, but I used clear lights for many years.
17.Favorite Christmas song? O Come, O Come Immanuel (I realize this is really an advent song, but, hey, who knows the difference?)
18.Travel at Christmas or stay home? home this year, used to travel to Mom's
19.Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph
20.Angel on the tree top or a star? star - handmade by Lisa's mother and brother many years ago
21.Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? morning - but I always want to do it on Christmas Eve - we opened on Christmas Eve when I was a child.
22.Most annoying thing about this time of year? Alvin and the Chipmunks and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”
23.Favorite ornament theme or color? Coca Cola
24.Favorite for Christmas dinner? Turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole, green beans, sometimes rice or mashed potatoes, pecan pie or chocolate pie
25.What do you want for Christmas this year? To be back in my newly-renovated house and cook Christmas dinner in my new kitchen
Merry Christmas!!!
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Paper
2. Real tree or Artificial? One just bought today 8 foot real, 7 miniature artificial
3. When do you put up the tree? Usually the first week of December, but with house renovation - probably not until the 23rd when we have our tree trimming party
4. When do you take the tree down? when my partner gets sick of it
5. Do you like eggnog? I love it, but it doesn't love me - and no alcohol, please.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Don't remember much of my childhood, but think it was a pair of white majorette boots that I lost the first day of school because I took them off when they hurt my feet. Those were the only acceptable boots for girls then.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, two of them - one is a small multi-part set and the other is my partner's childhood cardboard with plaster figures
8. Hardest person to buy for? My partner
9. Easiest person to buy for? The ones who give me lists
10.Mail or email Christmas cards? Not doing them this year
11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I'm sure it was a ruffled dress that Mom gave me - taffeta with flocked pine cones on the gathered skirt - and worn with a crinoline petticoat (not one of the big ones) that scratched. Bleah.
12.Favorite Christmas Movie? Don't know
13.When do you start shopping for Christmas? I shop all year to fill stocking for my friends - stocking are popcorn tins, but I start present shopping in December usually. If I buy it any sooner, I give it to the person then. Can't wait.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes, many.
15.Favorite thing to eat/drink at Christmas? Cornbread Dressing and cranberry sauce
16.Clear lights or colored on the tree? We have old fashioned colored lights on our tree now, but I used clear lights for many years.
17.Favorite Christmas song? O Come, O Come Immanuel (I realize this is really an advent song, but, hey, who knows the difference?)
18.Travel at Christmas or stay home? home this year, used to travel to Mom's
19.Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph
20.Angel on the tree top or a star? star - handmade by Lisa's mother and brother many years ago
21.Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? morning - but I always want to do it on Christmas Eve - we opened on Christmas Eve when I was a child.
22.Most annoying thing about this time of year? Alvin and the Chipmunks and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”
23.Favorite ornament theme or color? Coca Cola
24.Favorite for Christmas dinner? Turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole, green beans, sometimes rice or mashed potatoes, pecan pie or chocolate pie
25.What do you want for Christmas this year? To be back in my newly-renovated house and cook Christmas dinner in my new kitchen
Merry Christmas!!!
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Never mind that these things look like figs!
You scored 25% intoxication, 50% hotness, 100% complexity, and 100% craziness!
You are Allspice! You are the flavour of the Caribbean. You are not, as many think, a mixture of spices; you are your own, very unique, spice. Though you may be found in the company of "jerks," you're actually quite nice and rather good at making foul things seem nice, too.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Relaxing
I've really enjoyed having an internet link again after a week without one. And, I've been watching the panda cubs in Atlanta and San Diego. Mei Lan, born a year ago September, is hardly a cub any longer, weighing in at 70 pounds. Zhen Zhen, commonly known as Zoom Zoom, at the San Diego Zoo is still - well, no, she's not small. She's a roly poly bear - and so active that she's fun to watch. Last night she was on her back trying to turn over and wriggled for about 10 minutes before she finally got all the way over on her feet. I laughed and laughed. Here's a how I frequently see Mei Lan in Atlanta - a lazy cub when I'm online - sound asleep.
Five Meme from RevGalBlogPals
Parishioners pushing for carols before you digested your turkey? Organist refusing to play Advent hymns because he/she already has them planned for Lessons & Carols? Find yourself reading Luke and thinking of a variety of ways to tell Linus where to stick it? (Lights please.) Then this quick and easy Friday Five is for you! And for those of you with a more positive attitude, have no fear. I am sure more sacred and reverent Friday Fives will follow.
Please tell us your least favorite/most annoying seasonal....
1) dessert/cookie/family food
2) beverage (seasonal beer, eggnog w/ way too much egg and not enough nog, etc...)
3) tradition (church, family, other)
4) decoration
5) gift (received or given)
BONUS: SONG/CD that makes you want to tell the elves where to stick it.
I know, I know.... pretty grumpy for November but why not get it out of our systems now so we are free to enjoy the rest of the festivities.
Stole this one from Hedwyg, but it sounds like fun:
1. My least favorite dessert is pumpkin pie or anything with cinnamon prevalent in it, especially hot things with cinnamon. I think I must have suffered olfactory overload with cinnamon at some point, and now I can hardly eat it much less go into a store with cinnamon potpourri.
2. Anything sickeningly sweet - punch usually hits this category with fruit punch as its base, but I like the tart ginger ale stuff. And, anything with alcohol is too much for me. I love egg nog, but it doesn't like me.
3.For Christmas dinner we invite friends who don't have other family with whom to celebrate. We also have a tree trimming party and everyone gets a gift bag to take home. We provide the food and they decorate the tree, putting on as many of our ornaments as they possibly can. Then we sing Christmas carols.
4. I do love the inflatable outdoor decorations - in others' yards. For myself, I cherish my miniature Christmas trees. In 1988 when we discovered I had been accepted in seminary and we were going to have a tiny apartment, I bought the first Hallmark miniature tree and a few of the ornaments for it. This has grown to a current blessing of seven trees and will grow by at least one more this year. Among the decorations are some crude wooden ornaments, lots of Hallmark miniatures, and cherished pieces of jewelry and other memorabilia from past years.
5. My Mom, God loves her, she's dead now, used to give me clothes that I would never put on my body. She loved lace and ruffles, and for years and years she gave me lace and ruffles. I'm not that kind of person. Finally she gave me a man's denim shirt and resignedly said, "Well, I think you'll probably wear this." LOL
Music - I've been having fun with iTunes, having bought the last slim 8 gig iPod nano in the world (well, maybe just in this area) before they changed its size. I've downloaded all my old favorites, my Mom's old favorites, choral Christmas, some new stuff - but I just don't even understand the hip-hop Christmas music - and some of the hard rock stuff is indecipherable even though I like hard rock....I like to sing along where possible. But, I truly object to having Christmas carols 24 hours a day from Halloween until Christmas day - then it's all over - no 12 days of Christmas - no Epiphany. Just blap Halloween to Christmas Day.
Please tell us your least favorite/most annoying seasonal....
1) dessert/cookie/family food
2) beverage (seasonal beer, eggnog w/ way too much egg and not enough nog, etc...)
3) tradition (church, family, other)
4) decoration
5) gift (received or given)
BONUS: SONG/CD that makes you want to tell the elves where to stick it.
I know, I know.... pretty grumpy for November but why not get it out of our systems now so we are free to enjoy the rest of the festivities.
Stole this one from Hedwyg, but it sounds like fun:
1. My least favorite dessert is pumpkin pie or anything with cinnamon prevalent in it, especially hot things with cinnamon. I think I must have suffered olfactory overload with cinnamon at some point, and now I can hardly eat it much less go into a store with cinnamon potpourri.
2. Anything sickeningly sweet - punch usually hits this category with fruit punch as its base, but I like the tart ginger ale stuff. And, anything with alcohol is too much for me. I love egg nog, but it doesn't like me.
3.For Christmas dinner we invite friends who don't have other family with whom to celebrate. We also have a tree trimming party and everyone gets a gift bag to take home. We provide the food and they decorate the tree, putting on as many of our ornaments as they possibly can. Then we sing Christmas carols.
4. I do love the inflatable outdoor decorations - in others' yards. For myself, I cherish my miniature Christmas trees. In 1988 when we discovered I had been accepted in seminary and we were going to have a tiny apartment, I bought the first Hallmark miniature tree and a few of the ornaments for it. This has grown to a current blessing of seven trees and will grow by at least one more this year. Among the decorations are some crude wooden ornaments, lots of Hallmark miniatures, and cherished pieces of jewelry and other memorabilia from past years.
5. My Mom, God loves her, she's dead now, used to give me clothes that I would never put on my body. She loved lace and ruffles, and for years and years she gave me lace and ruffles. I'm not that kind of person. Finally she gave me a man's denim shirt and resignedly said, "Well, I think you'll probably wear this." LOL
Music - I've been having fun with iTunes, having bought the last slim 8 gig iPod nano in the world (well, maybe just in this area) before they changed its size. I've downloaded all my old favorites, my Mom's old favorites, choral Christmas, some new stuff - but I just don't even understand the hip-hop Christmas music - and some of the hard rock stuff is indecipherable even though I like hard rock....I like to sing along where possible. But, I truly object to having Christmas carols 24 hours a day from Halloween until Christmas day - then it's all over - no 12 days of Christmas - no Epiphany. Just blap Halloween to Christmas Day.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Back at the condo
I have spent most of the week "batching" it in the one habitable bedroom in our house. We had two usable bathrooms and the plumbing on one of them went out; so I was one bedroom, one bath - and very grateful for both. Also heat.
No pictures this week; everything looks much the same. The trimwork is finished; the painters began working Saturday; the cabinet replacements and extra parts will be here this week. Royal Flush will work on the bathroom plumbing on Tuesday. The new refrigerator will be delivered Tuesday.
Discovered that the sink now installed in the kitchen is not the one that I ordered. Mind you, I've looked at that sink a number of times before it was installed. I even called Wanda the plumbing supply wizard about the drain being in the center and not on the side as I had thought. But, I didn't notice that it wasn't a deep sink until the grid that can be used in the bottom of it wouldn't fit. So, Monday another call to Wanda the plumbing wizard.
My partner finished the deck floor today. It will eventually be battleship gray with white balusters, but the treated wood has to season for a bit. And, the weather is getting too cool to do that right now. We'll have some more warm weather in December, I'm sure.
The site supervisor says that we will be back in the house by Christmas. I just hope the moving company can cooperate with bringing the furniture from storage when we have a more definite date. Maybe I ought to call them and alert them to the possibility of a week before Christmas. Yes, I know I'm being really hopeful, but this IS a season of hope.
We may have that tree trimming party yet!!
Happy Advent to you.
No pictures this week; everything looks much the same. The trimwork is finished; the painters began working Saturday; the cabinet replacements and extra parts will be here this week. Royal Flush will work on the bathroom plumbing on Tuesday. The new refrigerator will be delivered Tuesday.
Discovered that the sink now installed in the kitchen is not the one that I ordered. Mind you, I've looked at that sink a number of times before it was installed. I even called Wanda the plumbing supply wizard about the drain being in the center and not on the side as I had thought. But, I didn't notice that it wasn't a deep sink until the grid that can be used in the bottom of it wouldn't fit. So, Monday another call to Wanda the plumbing wizard.
My partner finished the deck floor today. It will eventually be battleship gray with white balusters, but the treated wood has to season for a bit. And, the weather is getting too cool to do that right now. We'll have some more warm weather in December, I'm sure.
The site supervisor says that we will be back in the house by Christmas. I just hope the moving company can cooperate with bringing the furniture from storage when we have a more definite date. Maybe I ought to call them and alert them to the possibility of a week before Christmas. Yes, I know I'm being really hopeful, but this IS a season of hope.
We may have that tree trimming party yet!!
Happy Advent to you.
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