I have agreed to begin Weight Watchers tomorrow at noon, along with my partner and my friend. I’ve been online and my BMI is in the obese range. In addition, my legs and lower back hurt some and I get tired very easily.
But, I’m not terribly happy about this; I’ve always been a non-joiner, a do-it-yourselfer. So going to a meeting every week is not my idea of happiness. However, I’m not looking for happiness at these meetings. I’m looking for happiness in better health.
Still, I confess that I don’t want to go, I don’t want to watch my caloric intake, I don’t want to give up my quantity of breads and replace them with vegetables or protein. It’s just not what I want to do.
My rational self is dragging my emotional self along on this trip. I confess that I expect to be like people who pick up a white chip at AA, last a few weeks, and then drink again. For this to succeed, I must really want it to succeed. While I really want to lose weight, I don’t want to work at it.
Sigh. I want to be well. I want to be healthy. I want not to hurt. My weight has gotten out of hand; my life is now unmanageable in respect to food. I don’t know when I am full until I am stuffed – even if I wait that 20 minutes before having seconds. I cannot do it. So, I’m turning to a program with lots of endorsement and some proven success. And, I’m turning to God because I know I won’t last more than two days without some help...even with the support of my partner and my friend.
I’ll give a monthly report on this – not going to talk about it for a while – just going to do it and see what happens. Bleah.