Thoughts on the Economy and Spirituality

Our income will be cut by 20 percent in the next few months because of the declining value of our retirement portfolio, which is half of what it was a year ago. Amazing, isn't it, that something so amorphous as a portfolio, which really isn't on paper at all but in a computer bank several places, could affect our lives so profoundly? Paper money has baffled me from the beginning. When they recalled the silver certificates of one dollar bills, I realized that the actual one dollar bill had no meaning at all except that which "the economy" gave it. And, it actually costs more to manufacture a penny than it's worth. You can sell pennies for scrap metal and make more money...except that I suspect the law prohibits that.

Back to our declining income. I admit that "I see, I buy". Usually it's yarn or clothes, sometimes books, occasionally beads. However, I already have so much that I don't need more. My therapist says that sometimes I'm trying to fill the "love tank" because I don't get the responses I need from those who love me - not that they don't love me enough, but I don't recognize their ways of expressing that love enough to fill up my needs.

I know that my partner loves me, and I know that God loves me. Whose love am I missing? Both. Do I fail to see/hear/know God's love for me? How does God show that love to me? How does my partner show love for me? Why don't I recognize it? Why do I feel compelled to do things that "make me feel good" to supplement love?

Of course, you know that I don't have answers to those questions. And, you may be wondering what declining income has to do with recognizing love. For me, I spend money if I don't recognize love...partner's love, God's love, friends' love. In a month, I will have much less to spend, and I will need to be able to recognize that love more and more.

I am minded of Janis Joplin's "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." If I have love, then losing income won't matter so much. We will have enough for our basic needs and more. My concentration could be on filling my basic need for love by perceiving how much I am loved.

My prayer is that I learn to recognize expressions of love and let them fill my heart and soul and mind and body.

Interview questions from RevGalBlogPals

These questions are from an interview of Singing Owl published on the RevGalBlogPals Please go there and read this interview. This is a very interesting blog, and I enjoy being part of it.

Where do you blog?
23 acres of black dirtYou're here.

What are your favorite non-revgal blog pal blogs? Wounded Bird, Pseudopiskie, Badtux

What gives you joy? Music. Water. Silence. Yarn. Love.

What is your favorite sound? Cat purring

What do you hope to hear once you enter the pearly gates? First you have to believe that the pearly gates exist.

You have up to 15 words, what would you put on your tombstone? She lived. She loved. But, I love what we put on Mom's tombstone in the cemetery of the church that kicked me out for dancing and spurned her after she left my Dad: "Dancing with God, drawing deep breaths of the air of Heaven." (She died of emphysema.)

Write the first sentence of your own great American novel. The hurricane was beating against the sliding glass doors, and she hoped that they lived up to their warranty of stability in 160 mph winds.

What color do you prefer your pen? Black

What magazines do you subscribe too? National Geographic, The Sun, Bead and Button, Oprah, Time, Smithsonian

What is something you want to achieve in this decade? Continue living and being alive in that living.

Why are you cool? Because I have white hair and still do daring things.

What is one of your favorite memories? Being introduced to my partner at the lunch counter where we ate and not remembering anything past her holding out her hand and saying, "Hi, I'm ......" Surely, I must have answered, but I do not remember anything except being in love.

Anything else you've always wanted to be asked? How did you get here from there?

Musing about the farm and its critters

This afternoon as I looked at the webcam of Zhen Zhen, the panda cub in San Diego, and pictures of Flocke, the polar bear cub in Germany, I was reminded of the dreams I had before arriving in New Bern. I dreamed that black bears were all over my yard and came into my house and just wandered around - not bothering anything. I was concerned in the dream but not very frightened. I tried to lock them out, but they just kept appearing. They didn't do anything except appear. The logo for New Bern (which means New Bear) is a black bear like Bern, Switzerland.

Then my cat made a plaintive cry and I remembered sitting on the bank of Coldwater River in Mississippi and watching several bobcat kits playing near a large pile of driftwood where their den was located. Mama Bobcat knew I was there, but I was very still and she didn't bother me. My smell was all over that area since I frequently spent large amounts of time there. Some of that time was on a bluff overlooking the river where I watched for the old gar to turn up - and I saw it a few times - huge and silvery on its belly. I often wondered that it didn't rob my Dad's trot lines.

We had pet cats, some outdoor, one indoor/outdoor, and a large pack of wild stray cats - some very large - began roaming our area. We tried to scare them off in various ways and make them leave the area. Some of our neighbors killed a couple of them as they attacked various farm animals. One of our outdoor cats disappeared. And, another showed signs of a great fight. Then, the cat food on the back porch began disappearing. We were poor and cat food was a luxury item. I worried about our cats. Night after night the dogs growled and the cats fought and the cat food disappeared. It was summertime and the windows were open. So was the back door with the screen closed to keep out the bugs. As we sat eating supper, I saw one of the wild cats come onto the porch and I shooed it off. This happened two more nights. The fourth night, I set my .22 rifle beside my chair at supper. When the wild cat appeared on the porch, I slowly lifted the rifle, aimed and fired through the screen. The cat flew off the porch and Mom would not let me go outside to see. The next morning, the cat was a few feet from the porch, dead.

I have never felt good about killing that cat, but I do understand why soldiers fight - to protect those they love. It's no cliche. And, no options existed in rural Mississippi for a pack of wild animals except death. The farmers and stockmen couldn't risk the threat to their livelihoods. And, youngsters like me didn't want to keep losing their pets. Cruel, yes, but I would do it again - and perhaps less cruel than a gas chamber in a shelter.

We were required to care for our animals, and, when the time came that their lives were over, we were expected to take care of that, too. Quickly, even with tears.

On the brighter side of farm life/country life, I've had the pleasure of petting raccoons, being almost bitten by an opossum, watching deer graze in our yard, seeing the bobcats at their den, being amazed at the size of that old gar in the river, digging for river mussels and finding ones with beautiful irridescent shells.

I've stripped bark from birch trees and written messages on it with sharp sticks. I've eaten fried catfish and hush puppies cooked in a dutch oven over a charcoal bucket at the river. I've walked from the river through the woods to our house at night, alone. I picked dewberries for the most delicious pie I've ever eaten. I've seen foxes slinking along the top of the levee. I've found rabbits under the shed out back, and I've dug in the corn crib for baby mice.

My brother, the hunter (ha, ha) killed a cardinal once. Mom told him that we only killed to provide food and to protect ourselves. So he cooked it over a fire in the back yard. Brave me tried to eat some of it - ugh. We were both sick.

I've been up close and personal with most kinds of snakes and never bitten. I've gathered moss and mushrooms and soft lichen and colorful leaves to take home as centerpieces for the table. I've leaned against a Jersey milk cow named Betsy and told her my troubles (just like Mom did every morning), I've fallen off a horse, I've stolen watermelons. I found my grandfather's and, subsequently, my uncle's still - fascinating mechanism. I lost a shoe in gumbo mud down in the new ground where I shouldn't have been. I've been chased by a bull and I've ridden a big sow whose name was Whitey. She didn't like me much after her babies were born.

I've shelled corn with a hand-turned corn sheller, which is probably in the garage. I've picked up pecans until I thought I was a permanent u-turn. And, I've snapped and shelled and canned every kind of bean and pea that will grow in Mississippi. I've eaten tiny ears of corn right off the stalk.

Ah, some very good memories. And, for these memories I am truly grateful. Amen.

Who am I? meme

1. What time is it?
2:40 pm
2. Of what are you most afraid?
Being useless
3. What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a Theater?
Been too long ago to remember
4. Place of birth
Clarksdale, Mississippi
5. Favorite Foods
Fried Pork Chop, Butter beans or pintos, slaw, cornbread
6. What's your natural hair color?
Born blonde (accounts for my ditziness), naturally turned dark, now mostly white
7. Ever been to Alaska?
Yes, and would go every year if I could
8. Ever been toilet paper rolling?
Yes
9. Love someone so much it made you cry?
Yes
10. Been in a car accident?
Yes
11. Croutons or bacon bits
On what? Croutons on some pasta dishes to give them crunch, bacon bits on almost anything salty
12. Favorite day of the week?
Tuesdays when I work at the yarn shop
13. Favorite restaurant
Locally – Captain Ratty’s, Other – The River’s End near Savannah, GA
14. Favorite Flower?
Nasturtium
15. Favorite sport to watch?
On TV, I will watch tennis, a bit of football, a bit less basketball, most Olympics.
16. Favorite drink?
Coca-Cola made with real sugar, get them from Mexico
17. Favorite ice cream?
Vanilla
18. Disney or Warner Brothers?
Huh?
19. Ever been on a ship
Yes, love it!
20. What color is your bedroom carpet?
Current rug is blue.
21. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
None, got my license at age 15, but I'd been driving for at least three years
22. What do you do when you are bored?
Knit or play on computer
23. Bedtime?
10-11 pm
24. Favorite TV show
Don’t watch TV, unless I’m really bored and it’s already on. Oh, but I will watch the Olympics.
25. Favorite time of year?
Winter
26. What are your favorite colors?
Red and blue
27. How many tattoos do you have?
None
28. How many pets do you have?
Pets or pests? Two
29. Dogs or cats or other?
cats
30. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
chicken
31. What do you want to do before you die?
Have lots more fun, get to know more people, and learn to set healthy boundaries
32. Have you ever been to Hawaii ?
No, and no desire to go.
33. Have you been to countries outside the U.S.?
Yes
34. Which ones?
Bermuda, Canada, Mexico, Belize, Honduras, Guatemala