Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Today is different

Yesterday I was really down. I felt that I had lived all of life that I really wanted to live. I was okay with just dying last night. As I prepared for bed, I figured, well, I'll either wake up or I won't, and I don't want control over which happens. I took my normal medication, did my stretch exercise, knitted a bit, put on my CPAP mas and turned out the light. So, I went to bed, and I woke up today. I didn't die.

Today is different. Today promises the same heat, the same chance of thunderstorms, the same job (which I love most of the time), the same partner, the same bed, the same dent in my nose from the CPAP - but today is different.

Yesterday was sad. Today may be also. But, today's sad will be different from yesterday's sad - and I like different. Most of you know that I'm an eclectic person. I've had so many jobs that I don't remember many of them. I lived in lots of different houses. I have lots of different acquaintances. I've lived with lots of different money situations. I thought I wanted to try suicide once and got rid of everything that could be used to do it (about 25 years ago).

Today, one of my friends has an operation for cancer. Today, I go to work. Today, a yarn rep is coming and I get to see all the lovely new yarns. Today, my partner made my lunch. Today I woke up early. Today is different than yesterday. And, I appreciate that.

So, whatever the day brings, I choose to see it and be it and do it. And, if I'm down again tonight, I'll just eat something crunchy, pet the cats, and go to bed early. After all, tomorrow will be different.

7 comments:

PseudoPiskie said...

{{{Sharecropper}}}

Fergie said...

sooo sooo sooo True (-:

and I'm glad, so very glad, that you posted this, because it is nice to see that I am not the only one to think this way (-:

PENolan said...

25 years since they hid the knives from you? 14 for me. Thank heavens for new days.

Judith said...

Here's a hug for you!!!!!

Every day really is different, isn't it? Hopefully there is always a reason to get up. I hope you find a reason to be joyful today!

Suzer said...

Amen. I was pretty down today, and reading this helps. I need to remember, tomorrow will be different.

Anonymous said...

I used to think that however I felt at any given moment was going to be the way I would feel forever---whether it was elation or depression. Took me into my 50's to actually live with the fact of that fallacy. I loathed the words "this too shall pass" and still regret that it applies to the good times too.

Lisa

klady said...

Thank you for you and your words telling us so much. (((((M)))))