Tuesday, July 03, 2007

More than watchmen for the morning

On Sunday as my partner and I were driving along in the sunshine and enjoying the world, I suddenly thought, in a cliche albeit, “I’m so over church.” I’m sure it’s been over a year since I went to church, partly for health reasons and partly because I don’t like very big or very small churches – the only two choices available here.

We continue to do morning or evening prayer regularly, compline sometimes, and that’s usually done looking out at the water with the fish jumping and the osprey diving to catch the fish and the birds chippering on the feeders. I feel so close to God then.

This morning I pulled weeds in the front flower bed for the first time since we moved here. I can breathe again after my bronchoscopy procedure. So, I was reveling in the fact that I could pull weeds, and then I began to make a gratitude list which got longer and longer. Of course, I could only pull weeds for about 10 minutes before I got tired, but I will gain strength.

Then I went to the deck and deadheaded the African daisies. As I clipped each dead flower stalk, I thought about the people who needed God’s love to be shown to them in tangible ways – ways that I, being too far away, cannot do. So, I guess that was intercessory prayer.

As I filled the bird baths and watered the plants, I marveled at the beauty and the power of God – worshipping in silence and awe.

That finished, I was finished, too. I had to lie down for a bit, complaining sorely that I would be glad when I was stronger. About a half hour later a wonderful tomato (locally grown) sandwich refreshed me, but my knees are still weak. They will get better. And, I guess that’s what some of the psalms are saying, too. God, I’m up against the wall, but I know that things will get better with you.

“I wait for the Lord; my soul waits for him; in his word is my hope. My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.” (Psalm 130: 4-5)

I know that I need a community of believers – a living community of believers – for the host of saints surround me all the time, but I guess I’m just not ready to try the big church again – but maybe soon. Meanwhile, God is with me. Thanks be to God. Alleluia.


Cynthia said...

And there's this wee little church of the blogosphere.

Count me as one of your community.

June Butler said...

I’m just not ready to try the big church again – but maybe soon.

Could you try a small church living community of believers?

Blessings and prayers for better times. You are surrounded by much beauty, many signs of God's presence in her/his creation.

sharecropper said...

Hey, My blogsphere is my church community right now, and that was near the top on my gratitude list. I am truly blessed with some great friends and lots of good fellowship and fun as well as sermons and worship times here.

Mimi, I'm so into being an Episcopalian now, and the choices of Episcopal churches are limited. I'm also lazy and I don't want to drive down to the beach to my favorite church every Sunday - even though a trip to the beach might be lovely.

I'm really just making excuses. God will get out his 2 x 4 and use it on my head in a bit and I'll get back in line. God is very good at doing that.

One day during Eucharist at my home church before we moved, I was sitting to the side as a chalice bearer as my friend consecrated the elements. Suddenly, I felt as though I were transported to the altar. I became the celebrant and she was still the celebrant - two people but one celebrant. What an awesome experience! So, I'm sure that God will visit me one day soon to prod me back where I really want to be.

Thanks for all the love and prayers.

June Butler said...

Share Cropper, I was not preaching at you, truly. God is present to us, in church and out. When/if God wants you there, there is always the 2 X 4. I have experienced the blow many times.

I love hearing the hope in your voice.

Caminante said...

While I am in church (the building and community) on Sundays, please adore God in creation for me.

sharecropper said...

You betcha, Caminante!

Mimi, when I really lose hope, I just remember that I always have a choice - then I can hope again. But, breathing well has renewed my hope tremendously.