Thursday, May 01, 2008

What if...

What if computer programs worked the way the blurb you read said it would?

What if you and your partner could always talk things over?

What if you didn't forgo exercise because you were too tired?

What if repair people called you back when they said they would?

What if doctors had time to listen to you?

What if therapists believed you when you said you could bullshit the pope?

What if you could actually knit all the beautiful yarn you have and crave?

What if pigs could fly?

I get very frustrated with the lack of time that most people experience in today's world. I like to think we had more time in previous years and generations. But, that's simply not true. My Mom got up before daylight to milk the cow before breakfast and work. She always had a large garden, and we canned the produce. When did she find time to work 8 hours a day? She was never able to bathe until after we went to bed because she was tending to our needs. We had no bathroom; so she bathed in the kitchen where she could heat the water on the range and have a few moments of peace and quiet. She didn't have as much time as I did when I was working.

Of course, her life did get easier once we left the farm, but she always had something that needed to be done and for which no time existed to do it.

Now, I have time to browse the knitting sites on the computer, IM with a friend, write a blog, knit and make jewelry. Of course, my floors are dirty, my laundry undone, my winter clothes half packed away, and I don't know what I'm wearing to work tomorrow.

Time. When I went to Cursillo in 1988 or 1987, I gave up my watch. I own several, but they are decorative, not useful. And, time is more useful. I do get harried and hurried, but I am much more casual in my approach to what really needs to be done. The world has enough clocks that I am on time for appointments and work. In fact, I wish I could turn off some of the clocks in our house - microwave, range, water cooler, refrigerator, coffee pot, weather clock....and those millions of little LEDs that dot the house - I don't need a flashlight at night; I can navigate by the little red and orange dots.

Time. Do I make time to talk with my partner?

Time. Do I consider how busy doctors and repair people really are? Seems as if a shortage of them exists because they never have time.

Time. What if I didn't sit in front of the computer until my neck ached and my restless leg syndrome kicked in? What if I actually cleared the space around the treadmill so that I could get on it?

Time is a human construct. The universe doesn't really know about time or the time/space continuum. The universe is.

So, I'm keeping track of time in different ways. I have a list of concerns/problems that I want solved - some in therapy, some in discussion with my partner, some by getting off my duff, some by managing my life differently. And, I'm tracking my progress (or lack thereof) not by time but by how important each item is in my life. And, success - well, success is so relative that I have to say that I'm not doing much tracking by success. My nightmares are mostly gone. My emotional flashbacks have decreased a lot. My knitting is getting better.

Today has been rest day. Yesterday and last night were worry periods. Tomorrow is a work day and a knitting night. What's important to me right now is a good night's sleep, the love of my partner and the medicine that keeps me going.

So, I'm going to tick tock right off to the other end of the house and take the meds, hug my partner, and stretch out in bed. It's time.

4 comments:

Juanuchis said...

I may just have to print this and hang it in both my home and employment offices. It's so true.

I despair that time is escaping through my fingers, and what do I have to show for it? I'm not concerned about work. I'm concerned about family, husband, our life, art ...

Judith said...

And the older we get, the more quickly time seems to pass. Remember when the summer seemed to last forever? When you could hardly envision life after high school/college, it seemed so far off? Now it's July 4th, and when you blink a couple of times it's already Labor Day.

I do think my mom had more time than I do. She had one child (me), never had to work, and had a cleaning lady to boot. This was in the prosperous 50s and 60s, before everyone had to work all the time. I never thought I would envy my mom her lifestyle -- but I do!

Cecilia said...

Blessings to you as you strive to enjoy/ live/ experience each moment.

Pax, C.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Sharecropper, sounds as if you're doing good. I've got the time thing after me, too. I make mental lists of the priorities, and I seem to get them done, if not as soon as I'd want to, soon enough.

Oh, and the time at the computer. Too much - close to out of control. I don't know what to do about that, because I seem to have no will power there.

I read down through your two earlier posts, and you seem to be able to list a hell of a lot more accomplishments than I ever could. But God loves me anyway, right, just for me.

Peace to you.