Friday, July 13, 2007

More Thoughts at almost dawn

Relationships are hard. Differences in the way we grew up, the values our parents had, the struggles of our families with money (or lack thereof), emotions, addictions and codependencies, physical problems, and basic natures make living with anyone a challenge.

But, I love and am loved. We will continue to talk, to make more intimate time - time when we can just be together in love, to praise one another and to say thank you and I love you. Those things will go along way toward understanding and living together.

We will walk on eggshells for a bit with each other, but disagreements and resolutions build strong relationships.

I think relationships in other past times might have been different because life did not change so quickly or constantly. Regularity and stability were more common - even if the regularity was lack of money and the stability was a house with a bad floor.

Disagreements need some positive givens in order for resolution to happen. Positive givens in today's world are few. Jobs are insecure; benefits are shrinking; housing costs are out the ceiling; doctors have less time to care for the whole person; services are different in every setting; courtesy is stretched by lack of time to spend in serving others; increased productivity in all areas of life is emphasized.

When chaos rules, disagreements are hard to resolve. I'm trying to figure out how I might help create a more stable atmosphere and home so that we have a good ground floor for resolutions. Our love and respect for one another is a beginning. Sharing mealtimes would be a good one for me. I also need to learn that my way is not the only way, and that I can be wrong. She will figure out what she needs to learn to help create that ground floor and make it stronger and more level.

Clearing out the clutter of our house can help clear out the clutter of our minds and spirits. So tomorrow, I'm going to clear out some of the clutter. I have a good supply of trash bags and a good supply of paper bags for donations. Plus I have a cabinet in the garage where I can put things that don't necessarily need to be in the house right now - decorative things.

But, I love the clutter of my office. It's organized - painting stuff, jewelry making stuff, things I've bought to make happy boxes for others, the computer, lapel pins on long streamers reminding me of people and places, paintings, photographs, lamps that aren't being used in other places in the house right now, boxes for mailing things. I can sit here, close my eyes and let the chaos speak to the creative part of me. Bits and pieces come together. I create.

The rest of the house probably needs less clutter, which just seems to accumulate - "oh, just stick it on the shelf of the rolling cart." I can get rid of clutter in our public spaces. Now, if I could just get rid of the clutter in my head and go back to sleep, I'd be in good shape. Not to happen. The fog is gorgeous. Here's a few pictures of my morning.

Thanks for listening.

No comments: